


The smol and the large of it

by Kalee60



Series: Size Doesn't Matter [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky With The Good Hair, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Identity Porn, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Canon Compliant, POV Steve Rogers, Pining, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Secrets, Shrunkyclunks, Switching, Top Steve Rogers, oblivious boys, shrinkyclinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:00:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 33,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22963543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalee60/pseuds/Kalee60
Summary: Captain America was an icon, a beacon of hope, a soldier - and his civilian identity of Steve Rogers was the States greatest secret. So this made things problematic when he developed a crush on his equally secret team-mate the Winter Soldier; Bucky. How was Steve supposed to ask him out when each had no idea who the other was?Even more problematic; Hydra taking down SHIELD and hitting Steve with a raygun that altered him from All-American Beefcake into a Little Slice of Brooklyn.Suddenly he was in the care of an oddly familiar stranger named James, who was kind, stoic and looked out for Steve in his new body, and even… maybe appreciated it too.But the beginnings of a relationship shouldn't be built on lies, and as secrets unravel and Steve's unable to let his go - what happens next?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Size Doesn't Matter [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650280
Comments: 102
Kudos: 360
Collections: Stucky: Canon Divergence





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, well I'll be honest, I don't usually do this - once a story is done, it's generally done.
> 
> But I already had some notes jotted down and when people started to say how much they'd like to see inside of Steve's head - I went with it!
> 
> So it's a first for me to do a sequel (set at the same time) of sorts! And it's more of Steve's thoughts on Bucky than the tactical side of things :)
> 
> I do suggest you read The large and the smol of it first, for this to make sense. As some of it jumps around and relies on your past knowledge, and I didn't want this to be a full retelling. Though it turned into something much longer than anticipated (Steve really, really wanted his say in certain spots!) This was written fairly quickly so apologies for any glaring mistakes!!
> 
> Read on and I really hope you enjoy the first part of Steve's POV :)

Steven Rogers was terrible at courting, and Captain America? Even worse, if that was possible. He'd not been overly successful _before_ he was given the serum (because who was going to date a small, wheezing, sickly man in the height of the depression) and after the serum - he was fighting a war and awkward at talking to women, which wasn't such a bad thing being not interested in the fairer sex anyway. But talking to men was exponentially worse. Thankfully he didn't have to do much speaking in the army for quick liaisons behind tents or down alleys, which meant he had _some_ active experience, but nothing when it came to actually talking to, or asking someone out. 

Steve was woefully underprepared for dating.

Therefore, the moment his eyes landed on the thickly muscled, masked man, who'd introduced himself breathlessly as _Bucky_ , he'd been smitten - and completely unable to speak to him, though he was certain his silence spoke volumes.

They'd been working together for about two months when Steve realised that his passing fancy was turning into _actual_ interest. He enjoyed Bucky's dry sense of humour through the comm as he spoke to Nat and Clint, the way his eyebrows were mesmerizingly expressive and conveyed his intent clearer than any words could, and how he listened to battle tactics and not only offered up suggestions but offered up suggestions that actually improved Steve's original plans. It made Steve want to follow after him like a lost puppy. Which according to Natasha - he did, something he denied and would argue about to his last breath. He was more like a full grown golden retriever than a puppy - thank you very much.

The worst part of his one-sided infatuation was the fact he'd not tried to date _anyone_ since he'd been unfrozen, was unsure how to approach it, let alone what the 'new age' rituals consisted of. So how was he supposed to ask a coworker on a date in a way that didn't make him look desperate for actual human contact, or like the giant stumbling fool he felt he was?

But it seemed there was one thing that could tip him from casual interest to, 'work out how to ask him on a date pronto!' and that was Bucky's hair. Yep, his glorious, wondrous hair.

Bucky generally wore it back in a bun, but on the odd occasion, Steve would see it in all its wavy glory before being snaffled away in a hair tie. And gosh damn, his fingers twitched each and every time Bucky walked past him. He'd do anything to push his fingers deep into the brown locks, drag his fingertips along Bucky’s scalp, tug slightly before ruffling it out. Make him beg for Steve's touch. 

Yep, Steve would do anything - except, apparently, get the guts up to ask Bucky out, or even just talk to him about non-mission related things.

Apparently that was his hard limit, and it drove him nuts.

Steve also spent too much time envisioning what might lay under Bucky’s mask and goggles, what his face would look like without the darkness hiding his features. What colour were his eyes? Green, hazel, brown? Or a blue to match Steve’s? He’d spent many a night wondering on it, never completely happy with the face he imagined. Although he honestly didn't think he'd mind - he'd been having inappropriate thoughts about his colleague for long enough that it wouldn't matter what could be found behind the plastic. Also, Steve was careful not to be a hypocrite having never unmasked before him either. 

Bucky only knew him as Cap, Steve had never given up his true name but also couldn’t help muse on what Bucky’s real name might be. Maybe it was something as normal as John or Andrew because Bucky was his call-sign, it wouldn’t be his real name. _No-one_ gave their real name - just like he was known as Cap, or Clint was Hawkeye and Tony, Ironman - though everyone on the planet knew Tony Stark was Ironman. It was probably a bad example to give.

But before the war, before he’d taken the serum from Dr Erskine, they’d buried Steve Rogers association with the supersoldier program so that no one, no matter how clever they were would tie that small sickly man to who he was now. It was why only a handful of SHIELD directors and the core Avengers team knew his real name and civilian identity. The rest of the world just knew him as Captain America, and to be honest - it was lonely.

It wasn't that he didn't want to show the world who he was, who he’d been, but Captain America was a very precious commodity and Fury - well, SHIELD - had forbidden his civilian name and face to be shown to anyone who wasn't vetted. So far Bucky was still going through the process, earning the trust of SHIELD, his teammates. He already had Steve's full confidence, but it wasn't up to him - unfortunately. Hopefully one day he’d be able to take his cowl off and introduce himself as… himself.

Steve could have broken the rules, but not without swift, potential career (not ending, but Fury related) repercussions; and since Bucky didn't seem to want to show his face, he left it as is. Let them both have the anonymity that kept them safe, kept them from being compromised - yet also kept them from knowing each other. 

Steve was slowly trying, on Natasha’s insistence, to open up dialogue more, practice talking and maybe, just maybe he’d get the guts up to ask Bucky out for a drink... though masked it would be difficult, but not impossible... maybe. He wasn’t holding his breath - he was an absolute mess around the man. He must think Steve addled in the brain with his propensity to be short of conversation and stilted.

It was awful to be so confident as Captain America, yet have the residual anxiety of being Steve Rogers, so concerned that people wouldn’t like him for who he was. He, surprisingly, was not a superhero to be put in a box after each mission, he had likes, dislikes, worries and fears like most everyone else. And even _he_ was crippled with nerves at speaking to his crush. 

It was their last mission that had almost killed Steve with repressed sexual tension. They’d worked together amazingly, taking down a Hydra team, fighting side by side in a hallway no bigger than a thumbtack, or so Steve thought, being practically pressed up against each other, sending his brain and nerves into a tailspin.

When they made it back to the quinjet (after Steve picked up and dumped four operatives at once into SHIELDs possession, he was _not_ showing off - well maybe a little) he decided he was going to actually converse with his team mate. No ulterior motives. Not. At. All.

But then a few minutes in, he couldn’t help but watch mesmerised as Bucky flipped his damn hair like a gorgeous nymph, metallic fingers delving into the deep brown tresses, doing intricate things to create a perfectly messy bun. Steve’s fingers twitched with the desire to reach out, it took all of his superhuman strength to tamper the urge.

"Holy shit." Steve clamped his mouth shut, the breathless words left him without consent and if the way Bucky's eyes swung to him. He'd heard.

Smooth, real smooth, Captain America.

He felt his cheeks heat, how was hair porn a thing, a thing that apparently got Steve going? He could now feel his entire face burning and had to respond with something flippant that wouldn't out him as being completely smitten with hair, or with the man to whom said hair belonged.

“Err…” he tried, but then stopped as Bucky raised a perfect brow at him and he watched it's trajectory, momentarily forgetting his own name. 

He managed to point at Bucky’s metal arm stupidly.

“Your hand, the prosthetic, you have full dexterity in it? I mean you managed that hair thing easily…”

That night as he lay in bed, mortified at how obvious he must have been, he couldn’t help replay their conversation, hearing about how selfless Bucky had been in the army, what it had cost him, and although it must have been the biggest shock in his life adjusting to losing an arm - instead of giving up, he was still fighting, still saving people.

Steve was even more smitten and vowed he’d ask Bucky on this fabled drink. 

Next time, for sure.

  
  


Three days later everything went to shit - quickly. What had started off as an inane boring debrief with Fury, Clint, Natasha and Bruce - turned into the fight of their lives.

Hostiles in tactical gear, hundreds it felt like, rushed the SHIELD compound, and Steve was left standing in the rubble before a group of at least twenty people - which wouldn’t usually concern him. The man, however, holding a large black gun with a yellow ball on the end, something he’d never seen the like of before, very much did. The gun was aimed directly at him and suddenly - well - he couldn’t really say what happened exactly. He fired, Steve was hit, but not by a bullet, or an electrical charge, but something else he'd never felt before that made his chest shudder and his stomach roil, but didn’t down him. He shrugged it off and proceeded to take everyone out, except for the gun toting operative who had disappeared with a rush after firing on Steve like he’d done something naughty and was hiding from his mother.

An hour later, Steve was on his knees clutching his stomach as agony ripped through his entire body, every muscle and nerve on fire. He heard the clicking and groaning of his bones, like he was being remade from the inside out. He must have passed out momentarily, because when he next opened his eyes, he was being beaten down on by three large masked people, and he was… small.

Throwing his hands up to protect his face, his brain screamed at him. What the hell had happened - what the actual fuck? How was he small, how was he _this_ again?

Then the pressing urgency of moving away from the people who were kicking and punching at him overrode his desperate desire to know what had happened, _how_ it could have happened. He gave as good as he could, still knowing how to throw a punch even though the strength behind it had disappeared. His bony fingers poked into someone’s eye, kicking shins also worked. He did all of this while his Captain America uniform hung off him at awkward angles, as if he was playing dress up. 

Jesus, it was like scrapping against the older boys behind the docks, belligerent at their teasing his neighbours daughter for having a large nose, back when he was a teenager. But these ‘boys’ were not here to scare Steve or give a beat down to show how superior they were - they were out to kill him.

“Enough,” a voice called, just as Steve landed heavily at the feet of one of the men. The deep cadence familiar but he couldn't pick it, or see them from his vantage point, broken on the floor. “Boss wants him alive.”

And that’s when Steve began to panic. What would Hydra want with a de-serumed Captain America?

Thankfully two seconds later the familiar rush of sound which preceded Ironman and then Black Widow's angry tones infiltrated his groggy senses. He could only hear the fight as he tried to sit up and help, he didn’t even make it half way before the pain in his ribs and back stopped him. Oh god, he’d forgotten what pain, _real_ pain, felt like.

“Is he okay?” He heard Tony ask, “let’s take him back to the tower.”

Steve tried to respond but it came out as a high pitched whine instead of words. The haze of agony and prickles of stabbing heat ran up his spine and he flinched as a soft touch pressed against his forehead. 

Natasha.

“No it’s not safe, didn’t you hear these guys, Hydra wants him - I know a place he can go, where he’ll be safe.”

“Where?” Tony questioned and Steve also wanted to ask, but he couldn’t, couldn’t even open his eyes, one of which was throbbing. He’d had enough black eyes in his past to know that he was suffering from one, a doozy.

“No, Tony. I won’t say, I need to keep my contact secret too. Just know Steve will be okay. If I ask - my contact will die to protect him.”

“Well I hope you’re right, because if Hydra gets the Capsi-small - who knows what they’ll do.”

Steve wanted to bite back and call Tony a rust bucket, but only had a few precious seconds to wonder where Natasha was taking him, to who, but before he could form the words of which he knew he’d not be able to speak - he was sucked into a vortex of agony and blackness.

More pain greeted him as he groggily came into consciousness. His initial thoughts centred around the aches that wracked his body and how foreign it was. He'd not felt like this in, well, almost a lifetime. Sure, he got beaten up a lot as Captain America, but he healed almost as fast as he sustained injuries, the trauma fleeting, like an itch to be scratched that disappears before a hand gets to it. Clearly during his unconscious state, he'd not regained his bulk, his body. He could feel he was still in his pre-war physique. _Great._

He didn't move for the longest moment, just allowed his senses to come back to him one by one. 

And, damn, it hurt. A lot.

He started by flexing his fingers and toes, which thankfully all seemed to work unimpeded, his chest was tight and concern his asthma had returned hit him with a vengeance, but so far he wasn't gasping - so far. He could feel every single bruise that covered his ribs, back and shoulders and with each minute movement the ache spread. He wasn't jumping up any time soon to join the fight. This annoyed him to no end. Steve needed to regroup, to help.

Opening his one good eye, he wondered where Natasha had taken him, because it didn't look like her spare room, or any room in Tony's tower either. It looked - lived in. Like a home.

Where was he?

He glanced down as much as he could in the darkened room and saw a set of drawers, an open closet, a chair and as his eye fell to his own chest, he flinched at the bright purple t-shirt with a quote he did not understand on it. The fact that it was about pizza meant he knew who it belonged to immediately. Out of everyone’s clothes, why had Natasha chosen to put him in Clint’s? 

She was a terrible friend. 

He coughed suddenly and couldn't help but flail about in pain, only _just_ hearing movement from the next room rush towards him, realising his super hearing was gone. So he did what any brave operative would do. He pretended to be asleep. Although all he could think about was water for his scratchy dry throat as he felt someone come to stand beside him.

Steve pretended to wake up disoriented, only to find wide slate blue eyes staring at him from a man crouched beside the bed, watching him with worry. The man was a complete stranger, Steve didn't recognise him at all. Although one thing he _did_ notice even in the poor lighting and through only one half working eye was how absolutely gorgeous he was. And wasn’t that a ridiculous thing to think first, especially in his situation which was - who knew.

But more importantly...

He was laid up, suffering intolerable pain, wearing Clint’s offcuts (probably the worst of it) and no matter how much his addled brain had found this stranger good looking, he needed to know where the hell Natasha had stashed him and who this person was and how he could leave and rejoin the Avengers.

"Who the fuck are you?” he rasped a little harsher than intended, but of course that's when a coughing fit took over at the dryness in his throat.

As he fought off the pain that threatened to send him back to blackness, he couldn’t help thinking he’d ruined his grand first impression of being a competent, scary, soldier - not to be trifled with.

“Here, drink this.” The stranger held a water bottle to Steve’s lips. He frowned in annoyance, unwilling to be mollycoddled, and tried to grab the bottle, wincing when his traitorous hands wouldn’t respond and he fumbled it.

“Hey, Champ, just - look, just let me do this, you’ve been in a bit of a scrap and you’re probably weak from lack of nutrients.”

Steve felt his hackles rise, who the hell was this guy? He hissed out an annoyed breath. He didn't _need_ help. Hadn't for an age.

“You’ve been unconscious for about a day and a half - I think. Give yourself a second,” the man said in what Steve took as a condescending tone.

His spine stiffened immediately at being told what to do and from that point on if his following responses were curt and rude, he honestly didn't care. He didn't know this man who called himself James, and even if he was _extremely_ handsome, it's not like Steve was going to be here long. A pretty face didn't usually derail his objective. 

He sent a silent prayer up to Natasha, wherever she was, that she'd told this man his name was Grant. It gave him some much needed distance and anonymity, James clearly didn’t know he was Captain America and he was going to keep it that way.

But he couldn't help eye James closely when he'd mentioned he'd known Natasha for years. Was he an operative with SHIELD? Did Steve know him? He was certain if he'd seen him around the office he would have at least taken a second cursory glance. Maybe even a third or fourth.

Then the large man went on to laugh at him when he’d demanded he was leaving, and ire rose in his chest. Nevermind that when he attempted said escape he fell flat on his ass like a baby giraffe trying to stand for the first time. It was humiliating.

As was the fact that he'd clearly passed out again if the darkness of the room and warm soup in the Thermos next to the bed were any indication. Why was this James man being nice, and why was he willing to look after Steve, a veritable stranger? What was he getting out of it?

Two reluctant sips in, he found out the soup was delicious.

Damn it.

  
  


Steve couldn’t ignore the call of nature any longer and was pleased when he was able to get up off the bed without falling, maybe his quick healing was somewhat still working within him - although too slow for it to be really helpful. He was also pleased to note so far that his pre-serum ailments, although back, were nowhere near as severe. His asthma hadn't triggered, he didn't appear to need glasses (though one eye was basically glued shut) his hearing was bad, but not ringing and although he was in pain from the fight it was a different ache to the one he constantly lived with previously.

He stuck his head out of the bedroom, annoyed when James called out to him where the toilet was, it meant he was going to actually have to converse, to come out and speak to this stranger with the nice eyes who’d taken him in like a charity case. It rankled.

He shuffled into the living room a few minutes later, glaring when it seemed James was going to jump up and help him. Thankful when he’d remained seated to watch him closely instead. He huffed, he wasn’t made of glass.

Looking around in feigned indifferent curiosity, Steve devoured everything he could, while he could. It was a clean space, neat with a huge tv and some form of round flying toy made out of bricks taking up the mantle piece - Lego from memory. There were photos of James with another woman taken at the beach (similarities suggested sister maybe?) and his eyes lingered over the wide bare chest dusted with hair for too long, frustrating him. He really didn’t have the time for this. He wanted to know where the others were, what was happening to SHIELD - to Hydra, was everyone okay?

Then he felt eyes on him, the gaze heavy, staring, trying to work him out and he felt his hackles rise at the considering look. He was distracted from his annoyance a moment later when his fringe flopped in his eyes, something he’d not had to worry about since he was a teenager. It was annoying and he pushed it back violently, only for it to fall in his eyes again. He sighed resignedly, needing a haircut or product pronto, did Brylcreem still exist?

Steve looked over at James, quickly taking in his features, features which were beyond pleasing if he were honest, he was thick in a way that meant he was strong, capable and worked out, but not _too_ much. His hair was pulled back, and Steve felt a jolt at realising he might have a type. Bucky _also_ had longer hair and cut quite a large figure in his tactical gear, something Steve appreciated immensely. As did the way James currently stared at him, looked at him, making him shift uncomfortably, from something that felt a little bit like the awakening of desire. The last thing in the world he should be thinking about - or feeling. So, completely irritated at his thought patterns, he snapped.

"What are you staring at, never seen a frail, half deaf asthmatic before?"

He saw the moment as it materialised, James realising what an asshole he was, and it should have pleased him. It didn’t feel as good as he thought it would.

Instead of calling Steve out on his rudeness like a normal human, James exhaled, and gestured to the coffee table, "I thought I heard your breathing rattling earlier, so if you need it. It's there. Not sure what script you use but it should give relief if your chest gets tight."

Steve was speechless for a moment, this man, this stranger had noticed his breathing, and not only understood what it was but had somehow procured an inhaler. He went to thank him but then stopped himself. He needed to get out of here, not play nice.

So for the next day or so he was as obtuse and difficult as possible. Although he was finding it harder to remain impassive and prickly as time went by, because James was so damn accommodating, and it was wearing Steve down. Something about the blue eyes which followed him, the quiet unobtrusive questions about his well-being started to make his resolve soften. It also didn't hurt that James was stunning and stirred something deep in Steve, something he'd not felt since… well, Bucky.

Therefore Steve couldn’t ignore all the looks thrown his way as much as he tried, and sometimes, just in his peripheral, he found James staring at him, not just to figure him out, but as if he liked what he saw.

How on earth someone as utterly gorgeous as him, (because Steve clearly relented after about fifteen minutes to admit that James _was_ flawless) would deign to look at Steve with anything but pity was anyone’s guess. He even took Steve’s bad hearing into consideration when speaking and it was driving Steve nuts. How did this kind handsome man exist and _how_ had he not met him before? Who was he to Natasha - had they dated? Her personal trainer? No, he most definitely was tangled with SHIELD somehow - but in what capacity? Steve was smart, he’d work it out, so instead of keeping up his asshole tendencies, he began to open up a little. Started to be nicer. It was easier to do than he anticipated.

So one morning when he came out to see a softly snoring James tangled in blankets on the couch, Steve went and made them coffee from scratch. He had to do _something_ with his hands as they longed to push James' dark hair off his face in sleep, touch those soft looking lips. And he jolted with awareness - he was getting _too_ attached to his reluctant saviour, or was he the reluctant savee? 

But the groans James gave at each sip of coffee went straight to his not so dormant cock, so he also began to tease lightly, which he was more onboard with than he should have been, especially as James reciprocated with quick wit and smirks which by all rights should be outlawed. Steve was an operative, a soldier first, he shouldn’t let his guard down and _enjoy_ his time with James, even if he was damn well charming and looked at Steve like he was someone, someone he wanted to know better.

It was as they were talking about how Steve wasn’t good at opening up, a sharp and ruthless pain hit his stomach and he doubled over clenching his middle. _Oh god, it hurt._ But it was short lived, and he was absolutely stunned to find James kneeling before him, he’d not even noticed he’d moved.

“You okay, what’s going on?” 

Steve then realised James’ hand was on his forearm, solid, really… unusually solid. He looked at the flesh and frowned, trying to work out why it seemed different - off, but James let go as suddenly as he had appeared and Steve looked up into earnest blue eyes and forgot his brain for a second.

“Uh, yeah - just got a strange pain, could be from the coffee. I’m okay,” he lied, knowing it was something to do with the gun that hit him, he'd have to keep an eye on it. “Is it okay if I grab a bath? I feel filthy.”

“Shit, of course you can. I should’ve offered earlier. Give me a second and I’ll set it up, the taps stick a bit.”

Steve watched James as he left, finding it endearing how he just jumped at Steve’s request, like he enjoyed taking care of him, like he enjoyed taking orders. Oh boy, he should not have taken his thoughts down that dangerous path. Ordering James to do things, unspeakably good things, made him shift uncomfortably on the couch. He was getting turned on, _really_ turned on.

Would James take orders from someone as slight as he was though?

He shook his head of the ridiculous thought and entered the bathroom, the wonderful smells of bath oils and salts filling his senses. His tired aching muscles were going to love it.

But the moment his body hit the hot water he was assaulted with images of James joining him, slipping in between Steve’s open thighs, resting his body up against him, so that Steve could have full reign of sliding his hands up and down that wonderful chest. He shut his eyes and recalled the photo from the beach - yep, that would do.

Steve let his hand slide through the curls of his pubic hair to grasp his dick, hissing at how good just this one touch felt, different from when he was large, heightened in a way he wasn’t used to. _God_ , it was good - too good.

He let his imagination wander as his hand began to pump deliciously, imagining James there with him, turning in the water so his big blue eyes stared pleadingly up at him, begging with those pink lips to suck Steve's cock. He thought about James cupping his ass, lifting his hips up out of the water, so that Steve had to balance with his bony elbows on the edge of the tub until his cock was out of the water. He let out a god awful whimper just as he pictured James lowering his head -

“You okay in there, need any help?” A loud rapping on the door made him splash back down into the water. _Jesus_ , James clearly heard his keening noise. He wanted to call out for James to join him, make his fantasy a reality but he didn’t. He was still a stranger, and Steve was too vulnerable to let his guard that far down. But god, he wanted to - desperately.

“Uh, no,” he replied with a high pitched squeak, so very unlike him.

He heard James finally walk away and although it was a terrible idea, he redoubled his efforts, pumping his cock hard - thinking about bending James over the bathroom bench, sinking into his tight heat. Steve stumbled a little in his fantasy. There was no way James would bottom, and even if he was a switch, the size Steve currently was, didn't particularly scream a dominant partner that could make it good for him. Though he wanted nothing more than to fill James’ hole and take him apart. He came suddenly with images of his unrealistic goal in mind.

He cleaned up as best he could all whilst trying to order his thoughts.

The only thing he managed to work out - he was insanely attracted to James. He was not surprised by this revelation.

Steve decided immediately he liked the way James stared at him when he walked around the apartment in his old t-shirts. Although he had no idea who half the bands were, he savoured each glance, each barely concealed intake of breath, it made him slightly giddy. There was something borderline possessive in James’ gaze which he averted each time Steve looked his way. If he were honest, the devouring looks were making him feel ten feet tall, desired, and although James had never even hinted at finding him attractive verbally (he was quite the gentleman) Steve just knew there was something lurking deep inside. 

He felt it too.

Since his first bathroom ‘fantasy’ he’d had many more baths that ended in rushed orgasms, trying to muffle moans while biting his lip from yelling out, to beg James to join him. Steve had also almost asked James multiple times to share his own large bed with him, wanting to curl up behind the brunette, hold him tight, then hold him down and screw the absolute balls off him. It was getting harder and harder to hide his wants, his needs.

So Steve, trying to not be a perverted guest, watched a lot of the cooking channel as a distraction. Which actually turned out to be a great idea, as he lacked basic culinary skills. James left a handful of times to go to the store and even though he swapped out the good coffee for decaf (something Steve pretended he didn’t notice) he’d managed to rustle up a few gourmet meals in the meantime.

He’d finally relented and stopped trying to leave the apartment, and not just because of his new connection with James, he’d realised that Natasha knew exactly where he was and could contact James if they needed him. Clearly James could also contact her in return, so Steve allowed himself to heal, and also allowed himself to get a little closer with James - which was not a hardship, though probably not advisable.

They were on the couch while Steve watched a wonderful English woman who loved using butter in her recipes (something people tried to substitute out now) when James sighed throwing his book aside to grab his laptop. Steve noticed not only because he was always aware of what James was doing, but because he’d been looking jumpy recently, and Steve couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe he was suffering cabin fever, being alone with Steve all the time. Steve knew something they could do to alleviate that feeling, with much less clothing, then started to wonder when he’d become such a deviant that every thought he had about James somehow turned sexual. But honestly could anyone blame him? James was utterly breathtaking, confident in himself, self-deprecating in the most wonderous way and competent, extremely so.

"The chatter is still disjointed but starting to heat up, my contacts are saying Hydra are looking for something." James remarked after about ten minutes on the computer.

Steve’s entire focus zoned in on him, making James glance up; hair falling around his face and for one glorious moment Steve just watched mesmerized as he tucked a large strand behind his ear, his own fingers twitching in the need to try it for himself, see if it was as soft and luscious as he imagined it to be. Then what he’d said kicked in.

“You have contacts?” he asked offhandedly and watched as James’ cheeks pinkened up as realisation on what he’d just uttered dawned on him.

“Would you believe if I said I was a reporter and my contacts were feeding me information for an explosive new article?”

Steve couldn’t help quirking his lips up and damn it, James gave him a beaming cheeky grin in return and Steve ducked his head, feeling himself blush. His pale skin had always been terrible and showed up all emotions plainly. He may as well have ‘I find you the most attractive person in the universe, and I’ve visited the universe more than once’ tattooed on his forehead. 

“Okay Clark Kent, if that’s how you want to play it.”

“I don’t wear glasses.” James fired straight back, teasingly.

“No you don’t, because then you’d look even more hipster-like, and baristas across New York would expire from your ridiculously sharp jawline paired with dark rimmed glasses.”

Steve sucked in a shocked breath at his brazen flirtatious words. Sure he was thinking non-stop about railing James into any surface he could, but it was another to speak up and actively say something. He mentally facepalmed himself, wondering why he said it. Was he an idiot? Did James _really_ need to know how damn attractive Steve found him? Apparently so. 

He looked away instead of seeing what James’ reaction was, the tv a great distraction as his cheeks burned even brighter. He needed to deflect, so he went back to the subject at hand. 

"Did your _contacts_ give any indication of what Hydra are looking for, any intel on their current movements?" The question came out sharp and concise and Steve saw James tilt his head in contemplation. Shit, he was giving too much about himself away.

But it was when James threw himself next to him on the couch, pressed up against his side, making it hard to articulate even the simplest of questions, that Steve realised he was in trouble. It was the closest they’d ever been and he could smell the earthy scent that was James, the all-maleness of him and by god, did Steve want to close the small amount of distance between them and lick up his neck, kiss along his jaw before capturing his lips in a deep filthy kiss which would end up with them naked and fucking on the couch.

Steve shifted uncomfortably, willing his boner away.

James lent further into his space and showed him the screen after he’d haltingly asked what the Avengers were up to as he was out of the loop. Then tried to think pure thoughts.

“Right, so I see Tony and Nat there, and Falcon flew past the screen a minute ago. Okay, that arrow there means Hawkeye’s on the case. But there’s no -”

“- Winter Soldier.” 

“- Captain America.”

They spoke at the same time and Steve noticed they both tensed up, but before he could deflect the topic to something safer than his secret identity, James said offhand, “maybe they are off on a secret mission together.”

Steve really tried not to think what being alone with the Winter Soldier on an operation would be like. He was still absolutely smitten with Bucky and it would take a lot to forget him, but James, _god_ \- James was just as alluring. Could he have such visceral crushes on two different men? The answer was a resounding yes.

Biting his bottom lip, which James immediately honed in on making Steve bite a little harder than intended, seeing how James’ shoulders tensed - _oh._ He then spoke softly, “maybe… I guess.” 

Having to change the subject else climb on James' lap uninvited, he blurted that he wanted to fight, in any capacity he could, which lent way to a robust conversation on their choices.

Steve then thought about everything they’d spoken about, more than ready to work out a plan and get some intel, help SHIELD in any way he could, in his current form at any rate. Anything to distract himself from the plumpness of James lips, even if only for two minutes, “coffee, then work out a game plan?”

James nodded distracted by something as Steve stood before him stretching. He shrugged it off and headed for the coffee pot, perfect - he was going to help his team somehow.

  
  


The game plan somehow meant Steve would ride on the back of James’ motorcycle, which thrilled him in more than one way. He loved his own motorcycle and was eager to talk more about it with James, who also seemed to know his way around a bike. But the most thrilling part was not of having a shared passion for something but the fact Steve was finally wrapped around the large bulk of James. And he was just as wide and muscly as he’d imagined, if not more so.

He shifted back a little trying to hide how happy he was at being pressed up against his walking wet-dream. Especially as they vibrated and jolted over the roads - friction was not his friend.

Steve also blamed the bubble of excitement in his gut at finally being on an operation, finally doing something other than write down recipes and drink coffee. He’d be able to see how James acted, how he worked and hopefully gain some clarity on what he did for SHIELD. He understood he was being a little unfair, because he _knew_ James desperately wanted to ask and know who he was, but Steve kept circling back on how Fury had forbidden anyone knowing his civilian identity and he would assume even more so now that he was back to being little ol’ Steve Rogers.

They arrived at the warehouse not long after, making their way to where they would split up, and also where James thought (stupidly) that Steve was just going to take notes and watch out for cars and incoming operatives from the other side of the building. 

But, Steve on the other hand was itching to get inside and obtain some real intel.

When James quirked his brow like Steve didn’t know what he was supposed to do, he couldn’t help huff and roll his eyes like a teenager, but the reaction it garnered made Steve want to roll his eyes at everything James said from that moment on just so he would grab Steve’s arm and pull him in close. It was intoxicating being so near, faces barely a few inches apart.

Christ he wanted this man. He wanted to close the small gap between them, press his thin lips to James’ and just kiss him breathless.

“Be careful,” James hissed instead of kissing him, “Natasha will fucking shoot me if something happens to you, and then double tap when she finds out I _willingly_ took you out to hunt down information on Brock.”

He couldn’t help his traitorous eyes from dropping to James’s lips and he saw him sway forward minutely. Did he want more from Steve? A kiss maybe?

But then a loud banging from within the warehouse shook them from the moment, and Steve took a shaky step back, wiping his hands on his thighs before motioning he was leaving. He had to, he was a second away from launching himself into James’ arms and taking what he wanted.

Six minutes later he was creeping up the stairs towards the office where he knew Rumlow had holed up, determined to find out who else was in the room with him. When he pressed his good ear against the door, he was shocked beyond disbelief at the secondary persons deep unmistakable voice. 

Alexander Pierce. 

Steve was flummoxed for a moment not able to comprehend that one of SHIELD’s most important and senior directors was Hydra. Not just that, but Pierce was someone he’d trusted - that _Fury_ trusted.

Suddenly he was spitting mad. Steve had worked with Pierce many times on many different operations and although sometimes he seemed a little too invested in Steve and always lurking around (especially before Fury got the Avengers Initiative) he and Steve had always worked well together.

What he heard next though made his blood run cold. Pierce was reverse engineering his blood. _His!_ Without permission. How in hell had he even gotten a sample? 

Steve didn’t recall at any time giving his consent for such a thing. So it had to have been before they unfroze him, before he woke up. He felt sick.

Listening further, he heard Hydra were trying to duplicate the supersoldier serum and Steve just about stood up, slammed the door open and punched his way through them both. He glanced over and saw James slink across the suspended walkway, grasping at a ladder and their eyes met. Even as furious as he was, Steve couldn’t help smirk at the way James mimicked cutting his throat, like he would punch Steve for his duplicity. _Good luck pal._

Then James started to make aborted motions with his arms and Steve swore to himself, hearing movements inside the office, realising he was about to be caught. A half second is all it took for him to assess the situation and see the only option open to him, flinging himself _off_ the side of the metal staircase, holding tightly by only his fingertips.

Three seconds in he realised, he did _not_ think his plan through enough.

A week ago he’d be able to bench press the entire office if he wanted, now - he could barely hold up his own body weight. He hadn’t accommodated the change to his physique - he was a bonafide dope. 

He could almost hear James in his head calling him a _fucking idiot._ He didn’t disagree.

Once Brock and Pierce had left the stairs behind and started to walk out the warehouse, he started to sway himself, fingers and wrists aching, arms burning - his muscles would be sore for a while from his acrobatics. Luckily he managed to swing a foot up for leverage and pulled himself onto the staircase but it was at the cost of debris falling to the floor and - _fuck_ \- he was made.

Two men started for the stairs and he had a few seconds to appreciate the view of James mowing down people on the main floor, the movements and knife work familiar in a way he couldn’t quite pinpoint, due to the fact he suddenly had to fight off a tall man before him who was throwing a punch. He ducked successfully.

Raising up his fists he got into a classic boxing stance and threw from his shoulder, closed fist cracking the man’s nose, he stumbled forward, just as James barreled up the stairs.

His man was on the ground by the time James took out the second guy and Steve couldn't help be miffed.

“I had them on the ropes,” he exclaimed, annoyed that James had felt the need to save him. Damn hero complexes.

“I know pal, but we have to go. Now.” Suddenly Steve found himself dragged down the stairs and still slightly annoyed, he shook James' hand off and told him to keep running and get to the bike and that he’d follow. His chest started to burn after a minute of sprinting and he felt the stirrings of asthma, the shortness of breath, the tickling of his lungs, gasping for air as his chest tightened like it was in a vice. 

He was extremely glad he’d thought to chuck the inhaler into his pocket and used it before jumping on the bike behind James, not even having the time to enjoy the feel of his bulk as adrenaline and escape took over the forefront of his mind.

After a few hours of evasive maneuvers they made it back to James’ apartment and Steve flopped onto the couch in exhaustion, looking over as James spoke derisively.

“We are going to have a serious chat about your disobedience of orders.”

Steve didn’t answer, there was no point. Plus he was enjoying the slightly sweaty look James wore, thinking it might be similar to how he’d appear after a going a round with someone - or more specifically - a round with Steve - naked.

Then James flipped his head forward between his knees, ruffling his hair with his fingers before throwing his head back, sitting up straight to pull the dark strands into a perfectly messy bun.

Oh, _hell no_ … it couldn’t be? A brick wall landed on Steve as he struggled to make his thoughts right themselves. It was akin to looking through a pair of binoculars as they finally came into focus, seeing something as clear as day standing before you. In this case a person. 

Was it really him? 

It was... it actually made sense on so many levels and Steve’s heart just about beat out of his chest in shock. 

Clearly everything was written across his face as James - no, _Bucky_ , looked at him with a raised brow.

"What?"

Steve’s eyes devoured every aspect of Bucky’s face, finally, _finally_ knowing what lay beyond the mask and goggles and he was ready to self-combust. Never in his wildest fantasies did he imagine that Bucky would be so delicious, this gobsmackingly desirable, this… fuckable.

"Oh holy fuck, I had a feeling - but didn’t actually think… but the hair flip… and - _shit_ , you really are -"

Suddenly the windows in the lounge burst inwards, glass shards flying everywhere as three bodies in full tactical gear attached to guiding ropes smashed in, and Steve lost his words in surprise.

All he could do was look over at Bucky, his perfect Winter Soldier, and follow his lead.

  
  


The next few hours were a blur, albeit a blur of which Steve enjoyed every second. He was fighting, he was running, he was _doing_ something, Bucky and he worked in perfect sync to get out of his apartment, and Steve was just damn glad the ropes had been long enough to get them to the ground. He knew Hydra were not out to hurt him, well, not in any way that would end up killing him. They definitely wanted him for some reason, more blood samples maybe - and he refused to fall into their hands.

He missed his shield though, more than missed - even trying to grab it a few times during the fight, the familiar weight gone. But he’d managed to improvise with saucepan lids, much to Bucky’s joy. 

The only greater joy he’d seen on Bucky's face was at the acquisition of a Jeep he hotwired (and hot was the operative word there, Bucky was _very_ hot when he stole vehicles), and Steve knew if Bucky didn’t end up buying a Jeep at some point it would be a travesty. But he’d slept for most of the drive, body just not used to the physical labours of fighting, running and not resting. It was annoying, as he so wanted to speak to Bucky - James, was James actually his real name? 

When they were on the road with the second stolen car (which sadly did not spark joy in Bucky at all), Steve managed to stay awake, but found it hard to drag his eyes away from the profile of his teammate, his fantasy. He couldn’t believe they were one of the same.

At some stage it had dawned on Steve that Bucky seemed drawn to him, the way he was now - and even worse - he was still calling him Grant - which okay - was his name in a roundabout way, but now he knew who James was, he felt the urge to share something real, even though he still couldn’t divulge his Captain America identity. Not yet.

Bucky's eyes were on Steve when he glanced over again, catching him for about the fifteenth time. Cocking his head, Bucky looked at him askance, “What?”

“Huh?”

“You’re staring at me.”

“Oh, err, sorry. You just…” Steve had nothing, no way to finish that sentence except to say - you just remind me of the Winter Soldier, and that would not be fair. Although - maybe he should tell Bucky he’d figured it out.

“Just…?”

“Nevermind.”

“Okay then," Bucky paused, and Steve let the silence hang in the air.

He could tell Bucky knew he was holding something back, but he was warring within himself on how much to say. Knowing it wouldn’t be fair to out him and not give anything in return. Steve didn't have much of a choice though, he couldn't really say anything, not without doing it the right way, by talking to Fury first.

"Hey, you’re not worried about escaping the city with me, are you?”

Steve looked up in surprise, was Bucky crazy? He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else _but_ with him. “No, not at all, to be honest I feel safer with you than with almost everyone else I know at the moment. I’m not worried.”

Bucky smiled and Steve felt his insides flip over and found himself blurting, “even if you are some kind of hot wiring criminal genius straight out of Grand Theft Auto. I had no idea watching someone steal cars would be such a turn on,”

Bucky choked on his tongue, and Steve, mortified, stared out the side window, face averted. He had to stop this inane flirting. It was getting embarrassing.

Luckily Bucky asked him about what he’d overheard at the warehouse and they spent a good long time going over the content of those muted conversations between Rumlow and Pierce, Steve getting more frustrated and angry the longer they spoke about it, the betrayal of SHIELD, of potentially Fury by keeping this from him. But it was hearing Bucky defend Captain America, that he wouldn’t just give up on the good people left behind, that cleared his thoughts a moment. Bucky sounded so sure of him (well his other him) and it stoked a flame in his stomach - he really wanted to know what Bucky thought of him.

“Do you know The Cap then? Personally?” Steve asked not able to hide the burning curiosity in his voice.

“Oh, no, not really - I mean I’ve seen him around - how can you not, he’s huge, um, I mean, he’s impressively..." Bucky started and trailed off, clearly thinking of what to say and Steve felt his stomach sink, "impressive… yeah, you get the picture. Plus you’d know that too since I get the feeling you’re friendly with him? He has his crew, and seems loyal to a tee to SHIELD, a little aloof with outsiders, but a good man.”

“Right…yeah, he’s definitely... impressive.” Steve tried not to deflate, it seemed Bucky was into big beefcake men with tree trunk thighs, which should excite him, because that _was_ him. Well it used to be him, not right now, or maybe not again. Steve wasn't sure. But he was certain from the looks and responses he'd had from Bucky, that he might (just might) be a little interested in him that way too?

But Steve's luck wasn't really on his side at that moment. Not for a lot of things.

So he was blaming his obtuse and _‘its classified’_ moments on being a little put out. Somehow getting a sick sense of satisfaction from watching Bucky get more annoyed and angry at his unhelpful responses. It was a small ugly victory, yet made him feel a little more in control. Until Bucky cleared his throat and announced with no hesitation, "you can call me Bucky if you want, it's what all my friends do."

It was an olive leaf, but Steve couldn’t help spin towards him, eyes wider than they should be, feeling himself pale. His stomach thrummed with excitement that Bucky had trusted him with his name, hang-on his _codename_ \- did that mean on their first meeting he’d told them his true nickname, not a made-up moniker? Oh it was absolutely adorable. He felt himself fall a little more in… something with him.

He wanted nothing more than to say who he was in return, surprise I’m Steve Rogers - Captain America. But he couldn’t, he still had rules to follow and he also just wasn’t ready to give this up - what they had, this new closeness, was it selfish of him? More so than he’d ever been in his life. He swallowed it down though, but now knew he had to tell Bucky he’d worked out who _he_ was. It was strategically the correct step forward, especially if Hydra tracked them down again.

“Shit.” Steve said, not knowing how Bucky as the Winter Soldier might react to this. 

“What is it?” Bucky asked, slowing the car and looking around incase Steve was talking about outside interference. Unfortunately it was about to all come from within.

Letting out a long sigh he managed to say, “I can't... I have to... I figured out something about you.”

He watched as Bucky sat alert in the drivers’ seat, car slowing even further, face impassive, but Steve knew a million thoughts were traversing behind the calm exterior. Steve said nothing more; instead leaning over Bucky’s warm inviting body and grabbed his left hand, tugging at the synthetic skin, which practically fell apart.

“You’re the Winter Soldier, right?” He sat back, not in fear but in wanting to give Bucky the most amount of space the car could give.

Steve threw out his hand towards the dash as Bucky suddenly slammed on the brakes, pulled over then jumped out of the car. Steve knew intimately what a panic attack looked like and his heart sank - seeing it in Bucky, knowing he’d done this, it was on his shoulders. Sitting in the car, listening to the engine tick as it cooled down in the hazy air watching as Bucky paced, he had to figure out how he could get Bucky back, calm him from spiralling further. He’d not meant for his revelation to cause anxiety, but he should have factored it in. He was a grade A imbecile.

Bucky soon came back towards the car but changed trajectory at the last minute, pacing way out in front of the vehicle. Suddenly Steve knew he had to do something, try anything. He jumped out of the car, his mind on how to make this right, as right as Bucky would allow him to.

Gaging how his interference would be handled, he went with his gut, stalking towards him and grasping Bucky’s arms tightly, capturing Bucky’s wild pulsing eyes in what he hoped were steady blue ones.

“James… Bucky, it’s okay,” he relaxed a little at hearing Bucky’s scoff, but tightening his grip, willing him to listen, to hear and not just shrug off what he was saying. “No, really, look - I know for a fact the Avengers speak highly of you. They respect you, you’re one of the good guys. What you do as the Winter Soldier, what you _think_ you've done, is not who you are in here." 

He tapped Bucky’s chest, just above his heart and he watched as Bucky took a strangled breath in, staring at him like he was sunshine - it was heady, so he kept going, relieved Bucky was taking it in.

"You _always_ watch their backs, you care, and I _know_ that Captain America... well, I know he relies on you, and that he needs you. A lot. And... so do I.”

Bucky didn’t respond to Steve’s words about - his other self, but he watched intensely just to see how he was taking it all, glad Bucky’s eyes seemed less out of control. He closed them against Steve for a moment, taking in a breath to finally speak.

"How did you figure-"

"-it doesn't matter."

“Fuck, Grant… this… you, look, you can't tell anyone.” Bucky hissed, and Steve tried not to jar at hearing his middle name and not his given. It was _not_ the time for any other revelations.

“I promise you, I won’t. You have my word.”

He could see the moment that his words stopped having an effect as Bucky’s eyes began to dart dangerously and his breathing increased tenfold. 

Steve did the only thing he could think of, the only thing he wanted to, he gripped Bucky’s arms tighter again and leant up on his tiptoes to press his warm lips against Bucky’s, hands cupping his wonderfully full pink cheeks. Oh, it was sweet, and chaste, and just everything Steve had imagined.

A few seconds later, he felt Bucky come back into himself and Steve expected to be politely pushed away, but instead, strong large arms wrapped tightly around him, pulling him closer. It was unexpected but most definitely wanted and Steve scrambled a little to regain his feet, but he did not lose his place, his lips remained against Bucky’s. Exactly where he wanted them.

The soft gasp of desire which left his throat, unintentional, and it was that traitorous noise that unfortunately had Bucky moving back, away from where Steve wanted him most. So instead of doing the polite thing, the right thing - he fell forward chasing the elusive feeling of belonging, of pure and unadulterated desire, opening his mouth hoping against hope that it would be reciprocated. The reaction he received as his tongue quested forward had his body vibrating, Bucky growled possessively and dragged him back in. Steve then opened his mouth greedily taking all that Bucky would give him.

The trouble was,, Steve wanted more - he wanted everything, he just damn well _wanted_.

But the perfect moment had to end, and soon enough Bucky had leant back, but not before leaving a hard kiss on his lips, which somehow thrilled Steve almost if not more than the passionate kisses they’d just shared. It indicated that he’d not wanted to stop, that he might be onboard for more. Steve could only hope once they’d made it to the cabin that it would be the case. He shivered in the cool mist, the warmth of Bucky gone.

“Let’s get you back in the car, warm you up.”

He nodded in response, feeling dizzy and high on endorphins and Bucky tugged him back to the car, fingers tangled in his and he may as well have flown back on a cloud. As they continued the drive, Steve wondered if this lightness inside was what wanting felt like, of having your deepest desire returned? It was addictive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so surprised at how many of you just jumped over to see Steve's POV - not surprised in a bad way, but in the best way - thanks so much for all the support for a story which wasn't going to see the light of day... which in the end - was actually fun to explore.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes - this was all written quickly in the last week!
> 
> Going to assume most of you (if not all) know what's about to happen...
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Bucky's cabin was secure, cosy and in a  _ very _ secluded location, which automatically made Steve think it was more of a romantic getaway than a safe house. A very dangerous thought pattern to start their escape with. One half-kiss did not mean Bucky was romantically invested in the same way Steve already felt himself becoming (his mom always  _ did _ say he wore his heart on his sleeve). And as he got out of the car, seeing the picturesque landscape before him, Steve was surprised by the sharp lance of unexpected jealousy at wondering if Bucky had  _ actually _ brought people here for that purpose previously. He didn't have the right to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it.

As he watched Bucky check the perimeter for signs of movement or a break in, grab a key from a fake rock (pretty neat trick) and unlock the door, Steve couldn’t stop the small thrill that ran up his spine. They _were_ alone, and he wasn’t stupid - there _was_ an attraction, he just didn’t know how deep it ran. Steve’s mind got caught up in worry that how he was - small - wouldn’t be what Bucky truly wanted, that he’d never be turned on enough to want to explore something _\- anything_ with him. But Captain America was so far from who he was in that moment. How did he test Bucky’s response to his kiss, whether all the looks meant, even with awful timing, that he’d be willing to try something new with Steve?

Sighing into the crisp clean air, so different to the heaviness of a New York City morning, he spared a thought to their predicament with Hydra. They had so much to work through, figure out and Rumlow and Pierce were just the tip of the traitorous iceberg.

So with strategies, tactics and being separated from the rest of the team running through his brain, he fixated on Bucky and wanted to get close to him, more than close if he had his way. He was being selfish, a feeling he'd never allowed himself to indulge before. Steve Rogers - Captain America, put everyone first - always. But meeting the Winter Soldier, _ Bucky  _ had started to change things slowly within him, and it was only getting stronger - this need for… something of his own, something that was his. 

This selfishness that had been growing in the pit of his stomach for days now had finally taken over, and for once in Steve’s unusually long damn life - in which control had ultimately always belonged to someone else - he wanted to take back the reigns of his own destiny. Even if it was just for a few days in a cabin with a beautiful, soft man. This could be Steve’s only chance to have this, to have Bucky. And by god he was going to try his hardest to make his fantasy a reality - but only if Bucky agreed. So, how did he go about seducing the Winter Soldier?

His unasked question was answered as soon as they walked over the threshold and Steve’s eyes landed on the only bed in the entire place. He ducked his head to hide the sudden smirk spreading across his face from Bucky, it might actually be easier than he thought. Steve could see himself surreptitiously sliding up behind a sleepy Bucky in bed, wandering palms seeking heat and hardness, teasing until Bucky was a pliant mess under his hands, before taking him completely apart. Steve’s stomach erupted in butterflies at all the possibilities open to them. 

But his easy seduction hit a snag almost immediately, when Bucky set himself up on the couch the first night like a chump. Could he not tell from all the looks Steve threw at him that he was interested? Surely he wasn't  _ that _ obtuse and Steve was certain he was being overtly obvious. Did he need to actually ask? With actual words? 

And although Steve craved to be in control, to give orders and tell Bucky exactly what he wanted - it was still new territory for him.

The next morning he got up early, planning on going for a jog to alleviate some tension, but when he exited out the back door he saw a wood pile and axe and changed tactics. Sweating from the physicality of the task a salve, taxing muscles instead of just having them in perfect condition was satisfying. The deep aches in his body from the fight at SHIELD almost all dissipated, while his face had healed up nicely - he was back to normal,  _ well _ \- his new normal. Only one inconsistency remained, the sharp pains in his stomach happened more often, some causing the smallest pang - others meaning he hid in the bathroom sweating and grimacing in pain until they subsided. Hiding it from Bucky was getting trickier, especially in such a small space. He wasn’t sure what it meant, what the raygun had done to him. Steve had not mentioned it to Natasha when he called her either, not wanting her to turn up any quicker than necessary, both wanting time with Bucky and knowing she’d told them to lay low. So that’s what he’d do. It had nothing to do with wanting to draw out his time alone with Bucky.

Once he'd finished with the last of the wood, Steve went inside to grab a water and make coffee for them both, but there was no sign of Bucky on the couch.

Then he heard it.

“Christ,” Bucky’s deep enthralled voice grunted from behind the closed bathroom door and Steve slammed the cupboard shut in surprise.

The shower was going full force, and that’s where Bucky was, no questions. Because Steve could hear him jerking off. Steve just about lost his life and had an asthma attack thinking about Bucky naked and touching himself less than a room away. Gasping in another strangled breath, Steve halted his movements and listened harder like a voyeuristic creep. He wasn’t making any apologies for it though.

The sound of the water sluiced in a telltale pattern against the tiles and tub, allowing Steve to work out exactly the pace Bucky had set. It was steady and unrelenting. Steve's face flooded red as his cock filled in his sweats, heat swirled around his gut - because Bucky appeared to like a methodical approach, and when (yes,  _ when _ ) Steve got his hands on him, he was going to completely screw with his pacing, make Bucky beg for consistency, beg for Steve to let him come.

Shaking his head as clear as he could, because,  _ Christ _ , those damn choked off moans were messing with him, Steve made coffee, painfully stiff in his pants the whole time. Sweat coated his forehead as stickiness clung between his shoulder blades from chopping the wood and he’d never been so equally uncomfortable and turned on in his entire life. 

“Unf,” the punched out orgasm from Bucky had Steve flee outside - uncaring that the door slammed after him. He couldn’t stay inside - couldn’t look Bucky in the eye after that. Not straight away, he needed to regroup - think about his plan.  _ Holy crap _ , Bucky’s groan of release the sweetest thing Steve’s ears had ever heard, and he craved to hear it again, preferably right up against his eardrum, while filling Bucky’s hole deeply. 

_ Jesus _ , Steve palmed himself through his sweats to pull his cock up against his stomach before pushing up against the railing of the cabin, looking over the forest as his fingers twitched to jerk himself. But he couldn’t, not when Bucky followed him outside after only a few short minutes.  _ Shit _ . His dick gave a painful pulse of neglect, ears echoing Bucky’s wrecked growl as he came. Steve could  _ not _ look him in the eye. Not yet.

“Hey, thanks for the coffee,” Bucky spoke near his shoulder and Steve couldn’t help jump - he was close, too close. His cock throbbed once more against the wood before him.

“Oh…” he turned his head, unable to keep his own promise, eyes meeting Bucky’s briefly before he flicked them to the side and spinning back towards the forest, knowing his stupid pale face was brighter than a beacon, “no worries.”

He heard Bucky settle into the couch and like a glutton for punishment glanced over, really wishing he hadn’t. His resolve was as sloppy as unset jelly in summer. Bucky was sprawled languidly on the chair, thighs wide and inviting, eyes slightly hooded and why not - he’d just come, released himself in the bathroom -  _ without _ Steve’s help. He visibly started when his devouring gaze met Bucky’s, who was watching him carefully - considering.

Steve once again turned his gaze out over the trees. They really were not as interesting as he was making them out to be. He had  _ other _ wood on his mind after all.

“Thanks,” Bucky murmured finally.

“No. _Thank_ _you_ ,” he couldn’t help but whisper.

“What for?”

Steve jumped,  _ holy crap _ , Bucky wasn’t supposed to hear his sexually tormented half thought. Before he could stammer out anything remotely lucid, because he was still damn hard against the railing and it seemed having Bucky at his back speaking in low tones wasn’t making it go down, Bucky continued.

“I mean for cutting the wood, that’s a great help.”

“Oh, right.” He replied, feeling marbles fill his mouth, and when Bucky began to hum a goddamned Frank Sinatra tune he just about spun and fell on the obtuse oblivious man, to take him seven ways from Sunday.

But when Steve eventually forced himself to look over when soft singing escaped Bucky’s throat (and by god, he was good) his eyes were closed and he seemed to be floating on a euphoric cloud. Steve couldn’t help soak up how beautiful, how gorgeous Bucky was post-coital, and could only imagine the blissed state  _ he’d _ be able to get him in, if just touching himself put Bucky in such a soft disposition. He vowed to find out just how spaced out he could get the Winter Soldier.

It took a second or two to realise that Bucky had opened his eyes and they had been staring at each other deeply; Steve unsure if he’d been able to hide the longing and desire which burst through him. Before he had to try and explain anything, Bucky held his stomach when it growled loudly and jumped up, “hungry?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he replied raggedly.  _ But not for food _ .

As Steve calmed down his once again ‘rising’ issue, he trailed Bucky inside, a solid plan on seduction forming.

  
  


They spent the rest of the day talking, chatting, finding out a little more about each other, and by the time evening rolled around, Steve was about bursting. They were flirting, heavily - surely Bucky could see that? 

Steve understood he wasn’t great at signals or signs, but even  _ he _ knew he was being super obvious. The touching, the closeness on the couch - the smiles. Christ, he’d made more eye contact in one day than he’d ever given in his lifetime and he was brought up in a time where eye contact was a must for  _ all _ polite conversations. Steve’s longing gazes were practically begging Bucky to reciprocate, to give Steve some small indication he wasn’t the only one feeling this way - the only one wanting more. But either Bucky was completely oblivious to Steve’s hints or he  _ really _ didn’t see him in that way, which he refused to believe. There had been enough small looks, licked lips and hesitant conversations to indicate otherwise - but he was resisting - why?

When Steve had dug his cold toes under Bucky’s large delicious thigh, he huffed in annoyance as Bucky immediately jumped up to make them hot chocolates; almost blurting out, ‘what the hell?’ but didn’t. Frowning in thought, he watched as Bucky finally came back, handing him the warm beverage and Steve held it in his cold hands a moment, blowing the steam over the rim and caught Bucky staring. He watched in interest as Bucky’s eyes followed the pursing of his lips as he blew softly, before moving around on his side of the couch stiffly. He suddenly had an idea. Not a great or smart one. But he had to start somewhere and Steve suddenly knew exactly what he had to say.

Sighing deeply, he gathered his resolve.

“I… look… I…” he trailed off, annoyed he got no further and heard Bucky chuckle.

“You look, what?”

He threw Bucky a glare, “I’m trying to be open here, don’t give me shit. I... just want to share something with you too," Sighing he tried again, "it's probably the only thing I  _ can _ , without breaking the millions of government confidentiality protocols I’m bound by.”

Steve heard the sharp intake of surprised breath Bucky took, and knew he was about to say the right thing. The beginnings of the truth - as much as he could give at any rate. This couldn’t hurt either of them.

"You don't look like someone who plays by the rules." Bucky breathed.

"Yeah, well… some I just can't break, no matter how much I wish I could." Steve looked down at his hot drink again before glancing up, meeting Bucky’s blue eyes, hoping the earnestness and willingness for understanding came through.

"So?" Bucky asked as he looked over Steve’s face, questions in his eyes, some of which he couldn’t answer.

“It's something you’ve shared with me already.” He took a deep breath, holding Bucky’s wrapt gaze. “My name, it’s not Grant. Well it is, but not in its entirety. Grant’s actually my middle name.”

He watched surprise and more gratifying, relief, flow over Bucky’s features. He could tell how thrilled he was hearing this small thing, this tiny little piece Steve could give him. He wanted to tell him everything, but choked on the words - Bucky liked him as he was now, not as The Cap.

“So what do you want me to call you then?” Bucky asked, throwing him off his thoughts.

“Steve. You can call me Steve.”

  
  


Bucky was an idiot. Steve was absolutely convinced this was so. How he was such a great asset to the Avengers, the way his brain fired off solid strategies and counter attacks, yet could  _ not _ figure out that Steve was practically throwing himself at his feet - he just didn’t know.

Therefore - he was an idiot.

Steve climbed into the large bed, shivering slightly in the cool air even though he was under a mountain of blankets. It was another thing he was slowly getting used to, feeling the temperature, both good and bad. His feet had never been so frosty before - he swore pre-serum they didn’t fluctuate so much in temperature. He needed some serious socks. 

Moments later he heard Bucky punching a cushion while shifting around, clearly uncomfortable on the couch, and Steve rolled his eyes in the darkened room. A thousand flippant things entered then left his brain, and it was on the tip of his tongue to just ask why Bucky was being so obtuse, when he realised he might as well change tact since subtlety was not working.

“You do know that I’m small, you could come over and share with me.” Steve called softly, trying to sound inviting.

“Err,” he heard Bucky’s strangled response and smiled to himself.

“I mean, you don’t have to, but there’s plenty of room, offer's there.”

There was no movement from the couch and Steve just about threw his head back on his pillow in frustration. Should he start to jerk off loudly, moaning Bucky’s name to give him the hint?

“You sure?” Bucky finally responded, voice cracking.

Steve couldn’t help but huff in response, “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it you punk.”

“Language.” Bucky laughed, and Steve snorted in response. Bucky was a big dork.

He finally heard Bucky’s movements, and in the waning firelight managed to make out his large shape as he hovered over the bed, uncertain. Steve resolutely refused to move from the middle of the bed. Either Bucky would have to actually touch him to move across, or he’d hopefully press up against him. Steve couldn’t help wriggle in anticipation for either of those outcomes.

“Uh,” Bucky started, and Steve flopped onto his back, taking up even more room - this was a brilliant plan. “You might need to scoot over a bit, don’t want to squash you.”

Steve was not expecting him to ask politely, damn it. He lay prone for a moment before sighing heavily and moved, about three inches - Bucky was going to have to suck it up and squish in.

After the barest hesitation Bucky slid under the covers, Steve didn’t wait and pushed his frozen feet straight up against Bucky’s warmth, hearing the fond grumble from him. Maybe Bucky didn’t mind the closeness after all. He was an excellent heater - body hot in more ways than one.

“You’re so warm,” Steve breathed, relaxing into Bucky’s side, feigning sleep already, but greedily memorising everywhere they touched. At first Bucky held himself stiff, unsure, and Steve wondered if he’d pushed him into a situation he really didn’t want to be in. He wanted Bucky’s consent, he wanted Bucky to  _ want _ this. But soon enough, his large bulk hesitantly pressed back against Steve, still awake. So Steve took the lead and  _ sleepily  _ threw his arm over Bucky’s thick middle to snuggle in against him. Bucky relaxed immediately, as if holding his breath waiting for the touch. It was glorious, perfect, and Steve soon fell into real sleep - spooning up against his best guy.

  
  


For all the progress Steve thought he’d made, it unravelled the next day. Bucky all but fled to the shower after Steve had tried to make a move. Okay, if he were honest his grand move consisted of pushing his body against Bucky on the couch while reading his trashy (amazing) romance novel, ready to sneak up then sit on his lap. But Bucky had bolted as soon as they touched shoulders and Steve had hit his reserve. He wasn’t going to pussy foot around anymore and decided to just ask outright. If he was going to be rejected, then great - he could move on, ignore the bubbling under his skin for Bucky, the raw need he felt for the man. 

He wasn’t going to lie though, Steve was nervous as hell.

How this scared him more than fighting Nazis in the war or taking an unsanctioned serum with no idea what the consequences were - he didn’t know.

Steam from the shower escaped into the cabin as Bucky left the bathroom, scrubbing his wet hair with a towel. Steve ensured he was right there, waiting - hip jutted against the kitchen table, and Bucky stopped in his tracks as soon as his eyes landed on him.

He watched Steve for the longest moment, uncertainty in his stance. Steve felt years of training take over, from leading teams, of being the person people always looked up to for guidance. He raised his jaw, squared his shoulders and asked probably one of the scariest questions of his life.

“Don't you want me?” 

“What...? Uh…” Bucky faltered in his words, mouth gaping, obviously not expecting the question. Steve’s heart hammered in his throat. It didn’t instill confidence - was he wrong about the signals? So very wrong?

“Look, I know I'm small, but I'm tough.”

“I, shit. Yeah of course I know that. That's not-"

“-but you prefer men like Captain America right?” Steve interrupted Bucky’s words, stomach wrenching in disappointment.

He watched as Bucky rubbed a hand over his eyes, and Steve hummed, annoyed at his stalling. Why couldn’t he just answer the damn question?

“Right... are you asking me who, or what type of people I'm attracted to... specifically?”

Steve halted,  _ well _ , it wasn’t exactly what he asked, but it was a start, so he nodded curtly, eyebrow raised - nerves jangling.

Bucky took a deep breath and kind of shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, full disclosure, I’m bi, I like men and women of all kinds, and yes - The Cap is extremely attractive. I may have had one or two inappropriate thoughts,  _ hell _ …” Bucky scrubbed his face, “but after working with him for a year or so, it was clear he never wanted me, never gave any indication. So that’s really a moot point.”

Steve tried to keep his own face impassive at hearing Bucky’s words, but he couldn’t help but shake his head at how  _ wrong _ Bucky was. Christ if only he knew how much Captain America  _ did  _ want him - still did. He raised his chin further, knowing the look he gave Bucky was not friendly, but something more carnal, heated. And before he could say his own piece, Bucky just kept on speaking. 

“But, fuck. _ You _ . You with your too blue eyes, your snark, your stubborness, jesus you’re even from fucking Brooklyn, you’re anything  _ but  _ safe for me.”

He watched as Bucky spoke words, words which jumbled Steve’s very core, made him falter, made him think twice about what he was hearing, it couldn’t be true - could it?

“Steve, you've knocked me on my ass, I’m completely and utterly stupid about you.”

Steve knew he looked ridiculous, mouth hanging open like a dope, excitement and more swirling through him. “So why the fuck have you been ignoring my signals? Jesus, Bucky I’ve been practically throwing myself at you?”

“What?” Bucky garbled in response, making Steve grin.

“I could not have made it any plainer, I mean I guess I could have joined you in the shower yesterday…” he trailed off, knowing his eyes were predatory, showing his desire and need as plain as day.

“Well... fuck.” Bucky breathed, as he stood still and unmoving in the kitchen, towel hanging from his hand and Steve huffed a breath. Did he have to do  _ everything _ ?

Moving forwards, he pressed himself up against the front of Bucky, the warmth and slight residual dampness from the shower enveloping him. Making him feel a little giddy, lightheaded - happy.

“But, are  _ you _ sure you want this?” Steve whispered, unable to keep the small tremor from his voice. Rejection though unlikely, potentially on the cusp.

“More than you realise.  _ Shit _ ,” Bucky  _ finally  _ reached out and cupped Steve’s face almost reverently, “you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. So then, Steve, can I kiss you now?”

Unable to help himself, Steve went boneless at hearing his true name whispered huskily from Bucky’s throat and managed to nod. Watching enraptured as Bucky swooped in to capture his mouth.  _ Jesus... _

This kiss was just as shattering as their first. Steve felt his entire body flame with desire, with unparalleled lust, as Bucky tugged him closer, lips moving softly, teasing, testing against his - unable to stop himself, finally able to touch, to make this his. He pushed his fingers up into Bucky’s dark hair, deft and questing, getting tangled up in the dampness, loving every second of finally having free reign after months of obsessing. 

Steve growled into Bucky’s mouth hungrily, "fuck - your hair, it's just…" he trailed off, mind going blank in want - then pushed himself against Bucky, opening his lips to press his tongue inside deeply, filling Bucky's mouth, cutting off his own words. Taking what he wanted.

The kiss had the intended effect and almost as if in a trance he’d maneuvered Bucky towards the bed, who when they reached it, looked around groggily as if he had no idea they’d moved.  _ Oh boy _ , he was going to be the most perfect partner, accepting everything Steve gave him while being a gorgeous mess throughout it all. Steve’s blood thrummed in anticipation of making Bucky his for the taking.

Impatiently, Steve tugged on Bucky’s t-shirt, and when he chuckled at Steve’s aborted attempts of removing it, sexily smirked down at him, making Steve want to pull him in tighter. “You want this off?”

Gazing deeply into Bucky’s eyes, knowing he could convey his wants better that way, he saw Bucky suck in a surprised breath as Steve grabbed the hem of his t-shirt again, desperate to get it off. Before he could raise his hands up, Bucky had ripped it off over his head in one, beyond hot motion.

“Holy shit.” Steve whispered, knowing it sounded like a prayer - unable to stop his eyes tracking across the wide chest he’d been seeing in his dreams for months. It was  _ so _ much better in person. The light dusting of sparse hair, just the right amount to tease as it trailed down into Bucky’s sweats and Steve gulped, seeing the bulge below, within reach. He jerked his eyes back to all the skin on display at his eye height, licking his lips nervously.

“Can I?” he asked, fingers twitching as they hovered inches above Bucky’s chest. Desperate to touch but not without permission. Never without permission. 

“Knock yourself out,” the words rasped, drawn from deep within Bucky’s throat.

Only then did Steve reach forward, fingers vibrating with anticipation as he slowly, hesitatingly traced over Bucky’s pecks. His eyes flickered shut a second, unbelieving that he finally could touch. Touch his Bucky, before him. Cupping one side of his broad chest, Steve flicked his thumb over Bucky’s nipple, eliciting a gorgeous unbidden groan from deep within his chest. He was so responsive, almost out of it already and Steve trilled.

“You’re built to perfection, god - I knew you’d be gorgeous, but - fuck... I want you, always have, for months now.” He whispered half out of his mind, unable to keep himself from leaning in, teeth very lightly biting the soft pink nipple, tongue flicking out to soothe the small pain he left, then repeated the motion over and over again until Bucky was a grinding mess of nerves before him. Completely separate from his mind. It was damn glorious.

He tugged Bucky’s pants down over his hips til they hit the floor then pushed him back onto the bed, eyes glazing over at having all of him on display, all for him to love on - to suck, nibble, lick and devour. He almost came on the spot thinking about all the things he wanted to do.

Bucky’s cock twitched under his thoughtful gaze and he lifted his eyes to meet Bucky’s blown pupils. Bucky reached out, fingers reaching towards Steve’s t-shirt, “please, I want to touch you too.”

Steve grinned, and made no bones about getting as naked as quickly as possible, kneeling on the bed. And even though he wasn’t in his Captain America body, the way Bucky’s eyes slaked over him made him feel like the most sexually alluring person in the world. Especially when Bucky reached out shakily, a small whine leaving his throat as he grasped Steve’s hard cock lightly in his hand, stroking, watching Steve’s face, who couldn’t help but flutter his eyes shut. “I can’t wait for this to be inside of me, filling me up.”

Steve’s blood thundered through his veins, everything faltered within him. Snapping his eyes open, he stared down at Bucky in rapture and disbelief. “Oh, shit - you can  _ not _ be for real.”

Not wasting another second, Steve climbed over to straddle Bucky, thrusting almost desperately so their cocks lined up, rubbing against each other, smooth and warm, both desperate for the friction, the excitement of coming over each other.

“Yes,” Bucky threw his head back, neck bulging and straining. He was so unfathomably strong.

Before he lost himself in watching Bucky writhe in desire beneath him, Steve wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, then began to tug, making Bucky’s entire torso lift off the bed, and Steve found himself up in the air.

“Whoa, easy there.” He couldn’t help but chuckle, “and as much as I want to bury myself in you so deep, sweetheart. I’m not going to, not now,” ignoring Bucky’s growl of protest was hard. “I want to take you apart properly when that happens.  _ Now _ , I want to make  _ you _ feel good.”

“S’all feels good,” Bucky garbled, and Steve looked back down at him. Seeing how close to bliss he already was, how out of it, how floaty he was, and Steve could not have wished for a more perfect moment than this. He’d found someone who loved to give up control, who would trust Steve with his pleasure.

“I know,” Steve placated, moving forward - still stroking their cocks together, ripping moans from Bucky’s needy throat, before attacking his exposed neck, so gloriously long and pale. Bucky arched immediately giving up more to Steve, and Steve nipped and bit, leaving small marks on his skin, claiming him. “Oh, you like this hey?”

The low distracted hum in return nurturing a deep possessiveness in Steve’s gut. Then suddenly Bucky’s hands came up and grasped his hips, grinding up into his hardness.  _ Oh shit - yes. _

“I’ve got you,” Steve grinned and smiled into Bucky’s neck, before slithering down his body, loving how incoherent Bucky became when asked about his medicals at SHIELD. Finally getting the answer he needed. 

Steve then took Bucky’s exquisite cock into his mouth, enveloping it in heat with one long suck, luckily accounting for the jerking hips and yell Bucky gave. Gods he tasted just as good as he looked. The slight saltiness seeping from his tip egging Steve on for longer and more thorough sucks, sliding his tongue stiffly against the length as he deepthroated him as much as he could. Steve was very out of practise but made up for it in willingness to ensure this was the most spectacular blow job of Bucky’s life. According to the responding incomprehensible moans and words, he was acing it.

He felt saliva pooling over his chin down into the crack of Bucky’s ass and using his fist, he gripped the base of Bucky’s cock and began to jerk hard, while pressing against the sensitive skin behind his balls, a move he’d always enjoyed. Seemed Bucky was all for it too if the sudden squirms and pants were anything to go on. Steve smiled around Bucky’s magnificent cock, ecstatic to make Bucky mad with desire exploding from every pore.

Feeling eyes on him, Steve looked up through his lashes, capturing Bucky’s heated gaze, knowing he was putting on a show with his exaggerated movements, groaning and moaning louder in excitement before closing his eyes again to savour the feel, the taste - the Bucky-ness of it.

“Oh my god,” Bucky growled into the cabin, throwing his head back once more against the pillow, hands tangling in Steve’s hair as the loud slurping and sucking noises obscenely took over.  _ Jesus _ , it was hot. Steve was so hard up against the mattress, the small amount of friction he managed to make, not enough to temper his needs. He had to get a hand on himself soon, but deflected his one track mind - not yet, he wanted this to be about Bucky - all Bucky.

He felt Bucky’s balls tighten up and frowned, pinching the large thigh by his head so that Bucky’s blown eyes met his. Without having to say anything, Steve gave a look which brokered no room for disobedience and Bucky relented beautifully. His dark blue eyes holding Steve’s just the way he’d silently ordered him to. Bucky was so good for Steve, so good.

Hollowing his cheeks Steve began to suck desperately, pressing his spit slick fingertip against Bucky’s fluttering hole, and just as Steve breached the rim, half out of his mind in wanting to push his cock in there instead, Bucky arched up and came with a loud guttural shout down his throat. 

A few seconds later Bucky looked contritely at Steve, who was still savouring the taste, licking the inside of his mouth, behind his teeth - over and over.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“- you’re fucking delicious, Bucky. I never  _ not _ want you to come in my mouth.” 

Steve bent down again, lapping at Bucky’s spent cock, licking all the mess up while maintaining eye contact the whole time, seeing the physical effect it was having on Bucky.  _ Oh, boy _ \- this was going to be the best sex of his life, he just knew it. It was too soon though to voice the reason was because of  _ whom _ he was having it with.

Crawling up and straddling so his thighs stretched over Bucky’s flushed chest, Steve grabbed his cock, jerking himself quickly, throwing his head back as he chased his imminent release.

“Open your mouth, sweetheart,” he demanded, and like the best guy he was, Bucky immediately opened wide, without protest, without a whimper. Steve’s soul shook in his body, finding this, having this in his grasp was heady and made him stroke faster, all while holding eye contact with Bucky.

It was seeing Bucky’s tongue tremble with want, desperate to taste Steve which started the cascading feeling down his spine, to stand at the precipice of orgasm, “look at you, so good, waiting for my load. Fuckin’ gorgeous.”

His hand flew over his cock impossibly fast as he finally let the wave crash over him, sensation after jerking sensation as he came harder than he had in years all over Bucky’s chest, up over his chin, onto his face.

Perfection.

Steve watched enraptured, cock twitching in aftershocks as Bucky darted his tongue out to taste the come directly off his cheek, strangled breath escaping as the pinkness quested further - seeking more.

He couldn’t stop himself leaning over to wipe Bucky's cheek with his forefinger then place it between those pouting lips - Bucky eagerly sucking his digit clean.  _ Shit, fuck shit _ , Steve was gone, he was in too deep. Bucky was killing him. He continued to wipe his come from Bucky’s face who licked up every last drop, and shaking slightly, Steve got up to get a washcloth to wipe him down properly. Caring for his guy was paramount after sex.

“That was… phenomenal,” Bucky said, half coherently, making Steve smirk, “you’re phenomenal…”

“You’re not wrong on one of those counts, now sleep, you need it,” Steve replied, and sat on he side of the bed, deciding whether he should slip in now or give Bucky some space, but before he could make a decision, Bucky’s arm had snaked out and pulled him in, so Steve was pressed up behind him. Steve adored being the big spoon.

As Bucky fell asleep Steve couldn’t help press a soft kiss to his crown, whispering under his breath on how good he was, how good Steve was going to make him feel. Steve had the best sleep in decades.

The next few days were a haze of sex and more sex. Steve could not believe how receptive Bucky was to being given soft commands, yet also spoke up on what he wanted at the exact right times. He was the perfect amalgamation of everything Steve wanted in a partner, and not just in bed.

Bucky had a wonderful sense of humour which amused Steve to no end, and for all the years between them growing up, they actually had many shared life experiences, something Steve never would have thought he could find. Bucky was an old soul in a young body and Steve was helplessly in love with him - had been for a while.

But... Steve was lying to him, still. And he was scared, scared that if he said anything about who he truly was then it would be over. And Steve wasn’t ready for that, not at all. So he continued to not tell Bucky, to allow them both to get deeper, to fall further into what they were doing.

There were stronger men than Steve out there to be able to give up what he’d found.

After the first time ordering Bucky over the kitchen table so Steve could eat him out, Steve had managed it another four times, loving how reactive, how boneless Bucky went from having Steve’s tongue deep inside. But when Bucky’s own tongue defiled him in return, it made Steve see stars, he finally understood why Bucky became a bumbling mess who couldn’t speak for an hour after.

“You good, baby?” Bucky rasped as his face slid between Steve’s cheeks, one flesh and one metal hand holding him wide open as Bucky’s tongue flicked out, wetting parts of Steve’s ass which had never felt such soft questing before. “Best damn sight I’ve ever seen.”

Steve managed an embarrassed mumbled response in return, feeling Bucky’s laughter rumbling through him via his teased rim. Then he was being breached again, the wriggling deepening into his body, eliciting soft panting gasps as he squirmed on Bucky’s face, sitting up, hands clasped on Bucky’s chest, fingers pinching the skin, garnering growls of approval from under him. Steve rolled his eyes open, looking down to see Bucky’s cock bobbing freely in the air, gasping as Bucky delved deeper, twisting and sucking - loudly. He couldn’t help it, and bent forward to take the deliciously hard prick weeping before him into his mouth.

He was going to die - death by tongue. He was good with that.

Bucky hummed on his hole as Steve sucked him down, enjoying this new found closeness they had. Nothing was off limits, including Steve investigating more of his lesser explored tendencies. He still preferred to take Bucky apart each and every time, but if Bucky asked, he’d return the favour - allow him to have Steve any way he wanted. And he wanted it all.

Bucky’s arms gripped tighter over his thighs, tongue buried so deep Steve couldn’t formulate thoughts properly, was he supposed to sit back and enjoy as Bucky’s metal hand slowly slid past his cock - and  _ oh, _ that is something he wanted to try. Or was he supposed to suck Bucky until he came deep in his throat. In the end, a metal arm pulled him back up so he was sitting on Bucky’s face, flesh hand wrapped around his cock as Bucky tongued his ass and jerked him until he was a writhing mass of sweat and shuddering nerves, coming jerkily over Bucky’s chest.

“Love… love your tongue. Jesus.” He whisper shouted, almost saying something else in the heat of the moment. 

Falling forward to stop himself blurting anything, Steve engulfed Bucky’s cock again until he also came deeply, pulsing in his throat. Moments later he popped his mouth off, resting his head on Bucky’s hip, both of them panting messes, Steve with a multitude of messy feelings to sort through too. 

Steve knew he couldn’t say anything deeper yet, expose his all encompassing love for Bucky. Not until he’d come clean about who he was, not until he had Fury’s okay to say something. It was getting harder to hide it though.

The next night after Bucky had sweetly fucked up into Steve on the couch, emotions riding high for both of them, Steve knew he had to tell the truth. He couldn’t not. He had to tell Bucky how he felt, who he was. He resolved to call Fury in the morning and at Bucky’s soft look of understanding he had a feeling things might be okay. It would work out if he could sit down and tell him like this, when he was small and full of love.

The next morning Steve vaguely remembered, between the bone shattering pains, thinking there was a quote about best laid plans before passing out again.

  
  
  


Steve woke up in a sterile hospital room. Surrounded by machines and no Bucky in sight. The last complete thing he remembered was making love on the couch, then everything else was a distorted mess of pain, shouting and silence.

“Hey.” A soft voice came from beside him and he was surprised to see Natasha, he’d not seen her at first. Though he reasoned, unless she wanted you to, then you wouldn’t.

“Hi,” he rasped, throat dry, reaching out a hand for the water glass next to his bed. Noting that it was a large hand, he was back to being Captain America. Though expected, he couldn’t help the pang of loss and disappointment this resulted in. “Where’s Bucky?”

The lack of response, not encouraging. His eyes cut to Nat and he saw her frowning at him, displeased. Oh, so it was that good.

“What are you doing Steve?”

He looked away and sighed heavily.

“Fucking up - I guess.”

“You think?”

Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he sat up more, body tired and aching, and wondered how long he would feel like this. He’d assumed once he changed back to his normal size he would be fighting fit immediately. Seemed he wasn’t.

“Have you seen him?” Steve asked, the desperation in his voice not hidden at all. “Does he know?”

“What do you think?” Was her not so cryptic response and he knew that yes, she had, and no he didn’t.

“I -”

“- save it Rogers. Just… figure it out. James is one of the good guys.”

Shutting his eyes against her reprimanding look, he inhaled. How was he going to get out of this mess? And why did Natsha always know what was going on? Better than he himself it seemed.

“Capstreets back, alright.” Tony sang obnoxiously as he entered the room. Steve, though weak, felt he might have just enough energy for ire, and opened an eye glaring at his teammate.

Tony ignored the look, too busy monitoring the machines Steve was hooked up to, speed reading reports and flinging results around the place onto the large screens (which Steve could still not comprehend were actual hovering computers). “Jury’s out still on your recovery.”

“But I feel fine,” he tried and sat right up, head spinning, before gingerly grabbing his temple, clearly not hiding the wince as his spine crinkled a little at the movement.

“Fine as an eighteenth century china cup and saucer maybe.”

“I don’t get that reference.”

Tony sighed, “It’s not actually... you know what. Listen to me - you’re staying here. We are grounding you on this one. We have enough bodies to take on Hydra.”

“But -”

“- no buts, Steve. Just stay.” Natasha’s soft hand on his shoulder made him slump back, unhappy - but he’d listen.

“Now why doesn’t my touch work like that?” Tony asked as they left Steve alone with his thoughts.

“Because you’re you,” was the clipped retort and Steve smiled, wriggling back down to sleep - just for a moment more. Imagining the whole time how he could find and tell Bucky the truth. 

He’d do it right this time.

  
  


Later that day he was sitting with Hill in the Tower’s command centre watching the individual body-cam feeds, eyes hungrily staring at all and any that the Winter Soldier appeared on. Hearing his distorted voice through the comms, even without Bucky’s usual cadence, soothed Steve’s concern. He sounded focussed, on point. He would be fine.

Pairing him up with Tony was not a great idea though and Steve only just kept an angry harumph to himself when he saw Tony fly off immediately after their drop. Bucky needed back-up. He needed someone watching his six. And as Steve studied the screens seeing the robot troubles that Natsha and Thor were dealing with, he knew it was only a matter of time until Bucky came across it. And he knew  _ exactly  _ how Bucky felt about robots.

He left an unsurprised Hill moments later (who only said, 'good luck, Captain'), before grabbing a uniform and his shield from the lab, then stealing one of Tony’s flight suits to get to the building as quickly as possible.

The comm he had nabbed was old and not linked in to the rest of the team, so he pocketed it after trying uselessly for a moment to get it working. He used his eidetic memory to work out where the computer room was that Bucky had been assigned to.

He ran through hallways, coming across some of Bucky and Clint’s handiwork, bodies tied up, some unconscious, some watching wide eyed as Captain America flew past them.

Rounding the next corner he gasped in relief, seeing Bucky - knowing he’d arrived just in time.

Bucky ducked as a hoard of spiky hovering robots started to fly towards him.

Steve didn’t think, snapping the shield from his back and flinging it forward so it crashed through the first wave of machines.

  
  
  


“Bout time, Cap,” Bucky’s voice rasped as he quickly glanced towards Steve, then glanced back sharply at him once more.

Probably because Steve couldn’t stop staring, eyes unable to leave Bucky’s frame since the first round of robots crashed to the floor. He was smaller than before, but not really, because Steve was obviously taller now. His perception of Bucky might be off, but christ he was magnificent. Even all masked up and partially hidden from hungry eyes. Steves’ heart was thumping hard at being next to him.

“Buck...” He managed to start, hearing the tilt in his voice, the uncertainty, yet also the deep longing. 

“- shit, incoming.”

Steve immediately went into Cap mode, fighting in perfect sync with the Winter Soldier like they’d done many times before. They’d always fought well together, but there was something more now - there was something simmering beneath the surface, an awareness of the other that hadn’t been there previously. Steve thrummed with excitement. He and Bucky were made to fight side by side to watch each other’s back - to be together. He was certain of it. Now to convince Bucky.

It didn’t take long for Steve to see that the robots were too many and although their skill levels, speed and stamina (Steve was ignoring the unusual aches he felt) were above normal, they were not going to be able to take them all down. Not at least without regrouping anyway.

“There are too many of them,” Bucky yelled out, “we need to make it back to the supply closet.”

Steve glanced his way quickly, before taking out a couple of robots, slicing them in half with his shield. Oil and something sweet smelling infiltrated his nostrils. “Lead on.”

Bucky led them to a door as they continued to fight off relentless spiked metal robots, storming in the small space together, Steve tripping immediately over a… mop?

Three seconds in, Steve grinned - they were so close, pressing up against the other. The supply closet was tiny. He wasn’t in any rush to go fight robots, not when he could feel Bucky’s body against his. Interestingly enough Bucky’s groin almost perfectly nestled intimately against Steve’s ass, and if that wasn’t an inappropriate thought in the middle of an operation, then what was?

“I’m in a fucking movie.” He heard Bucky whisper under his breath. Clearly forgetting that Steve’s hearing was above average. Steve kept thinking maybe they were in a Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, Road movie and he was Dorothy Lamour - it could be a romantic comedy of sorts - eventually.

“A movie?” He replied, glad to converse finally with Bucky. Should he tell him who he was? Maybe not in a closet where they couldn’t see each other properly. He was hoping for a dramatic reunion kiss and it was just too squishy in there.

“Uh, Terminator.” Bucky replied and Steve smirked, knowing it was the last movie they’d watched together at the cabin, and it also had robots in it. But there were so many errors throughout it which annoyed his faultless memory, though he’d enjoyed frustrating Bucky with his remarks. Which was why he couldn’t help his response.

“Oh, good movie, except when Sarah rolls the car and there's clearly no engine in it."

The small snort from Bucky reverberated through his body and he preened at being able to amuse him. He moved and noticed each time he did, his ass ground a little more against Bucky so he did the only thing open to him and pressed back more.

“Hey, move your shield, it’s digging into me.”

“That’s not my shield.” Steve said, spinning awkwardly so that he was now looking directly at Bucky’s goggles and mask, it felt much more intimate for some reason. “It’s my arm."

“Oh,” Bucky husked out, and Steve couldn’t help flick his eyes down, where Bucky’s deliciously plump mouth was hidden. Shit, he really wanted to tell him. He was going to -

“We have to get out of here and meet the others at the lab.” Bucky blurted, and Steve mentally took a step back at the almost ‘desperate to get out of the situation’ tone.

Sure it made sense - they had to get out, sooner rather than later. There was still a hoard of robots to overcome, then taking down Pierce by extension to that. Steve guessed he could wait a tiny bit longer.

Steve saw Bucky look above their head seeing the vent, but his eyes didn’t leave Bucky’s face. “Boost me, I’ll see if we can fit - we only need to get to the next room. Just far away enough to restock and try a full frontal assault again.”

Nodding he stared until Bucky coughed lightly,  _ oh shit. _

“Right, sure.”

Next minute Bucky was on his shoulders, head through the hole in the roof, boosting himself through, grasping Steve’s hand in return to yank him up. Bucky’s strength in his metal arm made Steve’s stomach turn to goo, the power in it could hold Steve inert, and he jumped a little harder than necessary to the ground in the office. Getting his derailing thoughts back on track.

“Ready?” Bucky asked as he reached for the door handle. 

Steve’s automatic reaction caught him off guard as his hand landed on Bucky’s shoulder, fingers squeezing tightly, stopping Bucky in his tracks. Steve thought he felt a slight shiver but didn’t think too long on it.

“It’s good to see you, Buck.” He blurted, making Bucky turn, eyebrows so beautifully raised in question.

“Err, you too… Cap. Should we…” Bucky gestured helplessly to the door.

He didn’t remove the hand straight away though, almost losing his resolve and dragging him in for a hug. He took a shaky breath and noticed that he was sweating, unusually for him and he started to worry that the serum was counteracting once again and he was losing his strength. Or maybe it was just the way that Bucky’s face (although covered) didn’t move off his for a while. He could almost see the searching look he was receiving. Hidden blue eyes wandering over Steve’s own mask.

“Hey, are you okay?” Bucky asked him instead and Steve felt lighter, he cared - well for The Cap at any rate. He smiled, pleased.

“I’m fine Buck, just had a rough few days.”

“Nat said you were on a mission?”

“Something like that,” he replied, watching Bucky’s face carefully, unable to stop his eyes dragging over every inch, before they lowered to do a sweep of his body. He knew he was blatant in checking his guy out, but it felt like an age since they’d seen each other and he couldn’t help it. Especially not knowing how the mission was going to pan out. The urge to tell Bucky who he really was rose again.

“We’d better go.”

He snapped out of his trance, feeling a blush fill his cheeks, thankful that it wasn’t as obvious as when he was small. Though he could still feel the heat.

They raced into the hall, Steve expecting to be attacked immediately but they had five seconds breathing room before smashing their way through the remaining robots to the lab. The lab they searched for was not the one they found. Instead it was another room full of computers.

“What the fuck?” Bucky breathed, then his hand flew to his comm. Steve could still make out Natasha’s voice though, supersoldier hearing back on track.

“Where are you Soldier? Get back to the quinjet. This isn’t the right place, we were intentionally misled - Tony found a lead on another facility and has gone ahead - we need to get there pronto.”

“Cap and I will be there in a minute.”

“Cap?” Natasha’s surprise palpable and Steve managed to hide a grimace, knowing he was in trouble. But he’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Bucky looked up and motioned to his ear and he shook his head to indicate he didn’t have a comm. “Yep, saved my bacon, we’ll be up soon.”

Nat let out a snort, muttering ‘fucking hero complex’, and Steve heard Bucky chuckle, and looked at him in question.

“Nat, she’s funny.”

Steve screwed his mouth up, Natasha  _ was _ funny, just not when it came to Steve.

Ten minutes later they were in the back of the quinjet and Steve was getting an absolute dressing down from Natasha. The other Avengers pretending to give them privacy, and even though technically Steve outranked Natasha - he wasn’t going to interrupt. He liked his balls exactly where they were.

“You are not cleared to fight.” She hissed at him.

“I know - but I thought -”

“- no, Captain. You’re not thinking at all - you could put everyone in danger. But fuck… I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we  _ could _ use you. Now we have Tony’s intel.”

He grinned in triumph. She scowled in return. He hid his smile immediately.

Once Natasha and Sam had gone through what Tony had found with them all, and what their new game plan was going to be at the next facility - everyone dispersed to relax for a bit.

Steve stayed right next to Bucky, unwilling to let him out of his sight. But lost his train of thought when he turned to find Bucky’s goggles and mask gone, sucking down water from a bottle Thor had thrown his way. And he could not drag his eyes away from the lines, the colours, the familiarity of his face. Steve was not the same, his eyesight was better, his hearing restored, but Bucky was just as wonderful as ever - glowing even, and Steve was so in love with him. 

Bucky stalled in his drink noticing Steve staring, but now in the face of Bucky’s… face - he couldn’t drag his eyes away, was too weak to consider it. Bucky stared back, blinking once, and Steve tilted his head, completely smitten at how adorable such a small movement was.

“Er, do I have something on my face?”

Taking in a shaky breath, Steve mumbled, “No. I just missed you, is all."

He watched as Bucky frowned, clearly having no context on why Captain America would miss him. He didn’t try and explain.

“Oh sorry, um, the others saw my face a few days ago, by mistake. But it’s cool now, so I didn't see a reason to keep the mask on when alone with the team.”

Bucky went quiet, but still Steve had no words to say yet, he was just glorifying in having Bucky whole, next to him. 

“Surprise… I'm just ordinary... no metal nose or anything to compliment the arm,” Bucky joked, and Steve’s face went from awed to fond in a second, could feel his face changing without his permission, but he didn’t care.

“No, not ordinary. Not in the slightest.” he finally managed to breathe like a dope.

Bucky inhaled sharply, and Steve went to take his mask off, throw it on the ground and declare who he was. But the fear Bucky wouldn’t like him as Cap stopped him and he dropped his hand, noticing Bucky’s chest deflate a little.

What was he supposed to do? He desperately wanted to tell the truth but he was petrified, he’d completely screwed this up so much, he’d dug a huge hole and instead of popping his head out of it when he’d had a chance, he’d just put his head down and kept digging until he was on the other side of the world, looking back at Bucky. Hoping that their connection from the cabin was strong enough for forgiveness.

Steve quickly recalled conversations they’d had where Bucky had blatantly said he’d found Captain America attractive and stupidly thought, maybe just maybe he could hedge his bets a little - test the waters. See if Bucky liked him brawny too.

He was not ready to admit what a stupid idea it was.

“Would you…” he began, finding Dutch courage somewhere, ”Would you like to get a drink some time?”

He watched as Bucky choked on air, disbelief and something indefinable crossing his face a moment, Steve kind of wanted to take back his words. But they were out now. He had to look confident in them.

“Uh…” Bucky garbled, then went quiet for the longest moment, clearly thinking it over.

“Uh, yes or, uh no?” he finally nudged Bucky for an answer after it seemed he’d forgotten how to speak.

“I uh... actually, you know what? I think I'm seeing someone.”

“You think?” he asked with bated breath.

“Hell, I don't know, I just… I met someone recently, he knocked my proverbial socks off. No offence, because your… well, you… but there's something awful special about Stevie.”

Steve’s heart fired up, his whole body ablaze at the words.  _ He _ was Stevie - he was Bucky’s Stevie. He wanted him - him!

Steve looked down and immediately panicked. He was big, he wasn’t small -  _ shit _ . How had he forgotten? Bucky wanted small Steve not Captain America side of beef Steve - oh, Christ. How was he jealous of himself? But he was, stupidly irrevocably jealous. It was beyond ridiculous, the whole situation. But… in all of it - Bucky wanted him - regardless. This was idiocy. He just had to... had to what?

He felt his demeanor shift, his shoulders flatten as realisation that he wasn’t who Bucky wanted hit him finally. Though obviously a glutton for punishment, he couldn’t help but ask, “and if this… Steve wasn't around?”

Bucky's half smile was small and genuine, “well, I'm not one to play games and what if's, and he  _ is _ around. Well I'm hoping so, which means I won't answer. Please understand, it's not you at all, just that I'm spoken for."

As the words sunk into Steve’s brain he realised he couldn’t let this man go, couldn’t pretend anymore. He had to tell him, screw the consequences. He was gorgeous and beautiful and was completely faithful to the memory of Steve and… fuck. Well if he told him now - they had to fight still. There would be no time for rejection - not now. But once it was over, could it be possible Bucky would have forgiven him?

But maybe, Bucky would be fine with it, grab Steve in a huge embrace - kissing him for all he was worth.

Once again Steve’s tactical brain tried to interject, but he was on an emotional unexplored relationship rollercoaster for the first time in his life and he was riding it to the end of the line.

He reached up and grasped the back of his cowl, ready to rip it off.

“Look, Buck I need to tell -”

“- we’re here. Lock and load it boys, we have a facility to take down.” Natasha’s voice boomed, as the back of the quinjet began to open and the others took their positions.

“Oh, for fucks sake. The universe is definitely mocking me. I just want to say  _ one _ damn thing,” He threw his hands into the air, he needed to do this, had to do this now. No more lies.

“-Cap,” Natasha’s voice wary, “do you really want to do this now?”

“Yes.” He called back to her and he spun towards Bucky, who had the most adorable wrinkle of confusion between his eyes. He held up a hand to stop Bucky following the others out of the jet.

Then without preamble, Steve ripped the mask off, seeing Bucky’s face roar with a thousand different expressions. Shock, disbelief, awe, confusion and realisation just to name a few. Steve had no idea what was going on behind those wonderfully precious eyes, what he was making of this. All he could do was stand there, open, waiting for Bucky to speak.

“Steve?” Bucky finally whispered, voice high. 

Steve nodded shyly, hearing that name directed at him as he was now, soothing his jangling nerves. “Yeah, Buck, it’s me.”

“You have to go," Natasha snarled at them. "Idiots."

“One minute,” Steve shouted back as he gingerly took a step closer to Bucky, ignoring Nat's hopefully harmless growl.

Bucky’s gaze lingered over his shoulder a second at Nat before landing on his face again, eyes darting over Steve’s features and he felt hope well in his stomach. A feeling that everything was going to be okay.

“I thought you were smaller,” Bucky said. 

Steve beamed at him.

Then Bucky punched him square on the jaw -  _ hard _ .

Hearing Natasha’s sharp bark of astonished laughter, he watched bewildered as Bucky slammed on his mask and goggles and jumped from the jet.

Steve was left standing, holding his face - suddenly realising that maybe not everything was going to be okay.

_ Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would apologise for the cliff hanger - but lets be honest - it was expected!
> 
> One last (long) chapter to go... :)
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on either of the below - if that's your thing - always happy to interact! :)
> 
> Tumblr -[ kalee60](https://kalee60.tumblr.com)  
> Twitter - @kalee60_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is - the last installment of Steve's POV. My little 5,000 word planned snippet from Steve turned into something half as long as the original (how did that even happen??)
> 
> I honestly can't thank everyone enough, who not only stuck with me through the first story, but also joined me on exploring what Steve was thinking. 
> 
> The entire story was a concept I wasn't sure people would like - but you all proved me so wonderfully wrong :)
> 
> Thanks again to [ darter_blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darter_blue/pseuds/darter_blue) for all the cheerleading and helping make this a better version - and for all the amazing readers who've read, bookmarked, kudoed and commented - you've all been so much fun to interact with!

It took Steve longer than expected to snap out of his trance, and it was only Natasha pinching the back of his neck which did it.

“Go, you imbecile,” she pushed him to the edge of the open door and he fell out gracelessly, still holding his jaw, landing heavily on his feet below seconds later.

He couldn’t stop seeing Bucky’s face, screwed up in anger and  _ something _ else. Betrayal. And Steve had completely mucked up this whole thing, hadn’t actually thought it through, worked out what the consequences would be and now they had to fight Hydra. What the  _ hell _ was he thinking?

Top marks Rogers, he scored an A+ for ‘how  _ not _ to tell someone your secret identity. Especially after screwing them in every conceivable position - 'twice'.

Bucky was clearly pissed, if the twenty downed and groaning bodies littered across the space he’d landed in was any indication. He gulped - shit. He’d momentarily forgotten that his soft Bucky, the man he’d fallen deeply in love with, was also a slightly terrifying operative who held more strength and cunning in his left hand than Steve did his entire body (well relatively).

He looked up at Bucky who hadn’t broken a sweat, before giving Steve a parody of a salute then turned tail and ran into the building.  _ Crap. _

Steve caught up easily, but lessened his pace not wanting to overtake, or crowd Bucky - ensuring he’d hidden the emotions on his face well. Honestly, he just wanted to grab Bucky’s shoulders, haul him in and explain what a buffoon he’d been and beg for forgiveness. But,  _ timing _ , which was completely his fault.

“Nat, you read me?” Bucky asked curtly into the comm, his voice echoing in Steve’s ear, thankful Nat had sorted him out with a working comm on the quinjet.

Steve heard the responding grunt from Nat and glanced at Bucky. Without words they sped up, Steve glad that their unspoken work ethic was still in tact - that the team came first, no matter what. 

“On our way, hold up just a little longer,” Bucky yelled back.

“Copy that, hurry. They have -” Nat began, then the sound of her fighting and in Steve’s opinion winning filtered through, “- supersoldiers.”

“Fuck, the son of a bitch really did it.” Steve heard Bucky breath, but Steve’s heart had ceased to beat.

Supersoldiers, like him.  _ No _ \- Pierce couldn’t have -  _ wouldn’t  _ have. Of course he did.

“Buck, this is horrifying, we need all the information we can on these  _ soldiers _ ,” He spat the word out, mind now trying to calculate what on earth they were about to face further up.

“We will. We won’t let them leave the facility, not until we know more.”

Steve nodded, stomach in knots, but glad Bucky had conversed relatively normal. They could be professional, they could do this. Then talk later.

Bucky took a sharp turn around a corner and suddenly Steve was barrelling into the back of him, slamming into his solid immobile form.

"Buck?" Steve questioned, only noticing how close they were when Bucky sidestepped to put distance between them, he tried to ignore the disappointed pang deep in his gut.

But when Bucky gestured out before him, Steve immediately went into soldier mode. Robots.

The damn hovering spiked robots were there. What was Pierce doing with them, apart from annoying Steve and most definitely annoying Bucky? Was he working with Doom? It didn’t seem likely, but who knew.

“Fucking hell,” Bucky hissed. “I  _ hate _ robots.”

Chuckling, Steve slid his shield off, ready to fight. It took less than a minute to clear their way, but seeing Bucky throw himself bodily into the small melee made Steve worry.

"Buck, we need to talk about -" 

"- now’s  _ not _ really the time." Bucky snapped and Steve knew he was right, but he couldn’t help but try. He remained quiet and could feel Bucky’s surprise, which was unfair - Steve  _ could _ be quiet when he wanted, he just didn’t really want to usually.

They ran until they arrived where the other Avengers were defending their position and Steve’s eyes immediately assessed the entire cavernous hanger, seeing and cataloguing vehicles, robots, what space was available for defense and where offense might work. He was proud to see how well the others had held up so far.

Then he saw them. The supersoldiers.

Counting nineteen of them all in various sizes and sexes, Steve felt the blood drain from his face. They didn’t look like people anymore, they acted and reacted like… robots. No real autonomy but like a pack - striking and shredding as they went. It was terrifying. 

“I’m making my way to the lab, see if there is anything I can find about the supersoldiers.” Bucky said into the comm, but looked over at Steve. He couldn’t see the look on Bucky’s covered face - wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Confirmed, good luck.” Falcon replied curtly.

He saw Bucky preparing to jump into the fight and instinctively, Steve grasped his arm tightly.

“Be careful, don't be reckless.” Steve looked directly to where he knew Bucky’s eyes were and felt a pang at not being able to see them. He had no idea how this operation would end.

“I never am. That’s your M.O.” Bucky said with a lilt in his voice then disappeared, leaving Steve standing on the edge of the platform with a dopey half smile. 

He jumped in after Bucky, throwing his shield forward to create a path towards the lab.

“Path is clear Buck, go.” Steve yelled, then turned towards Tony and Thor and headed their way.

They had supersoldiers to defeat and a traitor to find and bring to justice.

  
  


Steve threw himself into the middle of everything, reacting instinctively, blocking, punching, kicking and throwing his shield in huge arcs, taking down everything in his path. The parodies of soldiers could not be reasoned with, would not take instruction nor seemed to hear or take in anything. They were seeking blood, sniffing it out like hounds on the hunt and Steve couldn’t help the infinite sadness fill him at what these people had suffered, all for Pierce’s grab of power. They were no longer people.

Panic rose when Natasha spoke into the comm to confirm the raygun, the one thing that could take him out, was at their location. It didn’t instill soft warm fuzzy feelings, knowing that at any stage someone could bring it out and use it on him. The sense memory of the pain was still intensely vivid, and he did  _ not _ want to go through it again - not even sure if his body could. Not so soon at any rate.

But

Bucky was on it. He was searching for the gun and Steve had all the confidence in the world he would find it.

While he fought beside Thor, he’d managed to converse with Bucky for a few minutes, and when Bucky slipped out that he wanted to watch a TV show with Steve as he’d not understood a reference, he couldn’t help the soft sincere response on how much he would love that. Even though Bucky changed the subject immediately afterwards, like he’d not meant to blurt out the invite, it still made Steve feel a tiny bit more at ease. He had to believe he could make it better, make Bucky see he hadn't meant to lie.

Once he’d explained as much as he could about the gun to Bucky, he had to go. Having his mind on two completely different things was making him a little sloppy, but he was reluctant to give up the almost friendly banter over the comm.

“Copy that,” Bucky replied, when Steve finally had to sign off, “don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

The pause before his rushed words instantly made Steve smile, it was a start. “Promise, since I’m fairly sure you took most of the stupid with you. Be safe.”

Steve then slammed his shield up into the jaw of a soldier who had made a strike for him and the next half an hour was spent dodging and fighting until Fury arrived - bringing with him a swathe of (still) loyal help.

It only took that small amount of outside assistance for Steve to be able to take stock of what they had to do, how the team could overcome the relentless fighting of the supersoldiers. He saw Thor being flung across the room and noticed that the supersoldier woman who had done it, looked... wrong. Her limbs weren't quite working in conjunction with the rest of her body and Steve finally saw the slight deterioration which hung over her. Glancing at another soldier nearby fighting Tony, he also saw the pale pallor and skin starting to hang at odd angles.

“Steve, Daisy’s here - we’ve found something.” Nat's voice filled his ear.

“Shoot.”

“All previous experiments on this particular serum indicate they will only last in this form for an hour, maybe a little longer. Steve, we don’t know what the scientists have done to their genetic makeup, if being exposed to any of the deteriorating cells, skin - shit, anything will harm us.”

“What’s going to happen to them?”

He heard Natasha take in a long breath, “they will effectively… dissolve - painfully.”

“Right…” Steve dodged an uppercut from a large blonde man before him, trying and failing to not see their shared similarities. He attempted to ignore his curiosity at who he could have been prior to the dodgy serum. Hydra obviously, but, who - even before that? Throwing the soldier over his head, Steve slammed him face down on the ground, then saw that the shoulder muscle had detached from his body. It was fucking horrendous. Hydra had to be stopped. At any cost.

The man started to get up immediately again.  _ God... _

“Can we save them? Undo it?”

The silence from Natasha telling before she replied that ‘no’ they couldn’t.

Steve looked around once more, idea after idea on how to handle the supersoldiers flew through his brain, until he knew what they had to do, the most humane way to end it - if it could be called humane.

He yelled into his comm what he planned, and Clint immediately scoped out a room which would work and began to fill it with explosives within minutes. If they had no idea on what would happen when the soldiers exploded into a mess of blood and body parts on the main floor, (if the data Natasha and Daisy found was correct), then they only had one option. It wasn’t great, but it’s all he could do.

Setting himself up as bait was not particularly his finest idea, but he was a self aware control freak and refused to let anyone else do it, plus he wouldn't risk anyone on the team. It  _ was _ after all, his harebrained scheme. He’d not heard Bucky’s input yet, so he was either okay with the plan or his comm was turned off.

“All set.” Clint’s voice came through and Steve was instantly on the move.

Thor, Tony and he began to round up the supersoldiers until they started to follow Steve.

“You ready Capsicumble?” Tony yelled.

Grumbling at the stupid name, Steve replied, “do it.”

He then flew through a large door into a room just off the main hanger, it looked like where Steve had taken his corporate induction at SHIELD all those years earlier. Steve jumped over chairs and computers, glancing at a projector on one wall, until he was in front of the door on the opposite side of the room, trying to slam it open. It was stuck.

Spinning back around, he saw the hoard of supersoldiers scramble in behind him, not slowing, just mowing down everything in their path.

“Done, shut the door Tony.” He yelled, ignoring the fact he had yet to get out.

It took a precious few seconds of fighting off three soldiers, whose faces were horrifyingly slipping off, (yet it didn't stop their assault) before Steve broke free and saw a gloriously large vent above him. Clint was a saint.

He’d just slipped his body through, feet hanging out as he used his elbows to drag himself through the squished space when the explosion hit.

The first thing he felt was heat and pain as his uniform stuck to his skin, then the vent went from cool to insanely hot in an instant. Steve kept dragging himself forward while burning and grimacing through the agony, which lasted longer than normal. Usually his body was healing as fast as it was ripped asunder. But as he was finally thrown from the vent in a cruel twist of fire and noise, Steve realised that the effects of the raygun were obviously still riding him.

Was he going to die?

No - he couldn’t. Not yet.

He must have blacked out for a second, as he woke up on the ground just outside the room which they’d exploded. Steve couldn't discern movement from in the room and at the sharp stab of hurt, he looked down to his chest which was exposed, red, painful and inflamed. But luckily, he was alive - relatively uninjured. He was healing, but very slowly.  _ Thank christ. _

“Got em.” Steve rasped into the comm, hearing a boisterous voice erupt in a cheer. Thor if he guessed.

Gingerly he staggered to his feet and made his way back to his team, to report to Fury and to lay eyes on Bucky, to ensure he was safe. Then there would be clean up to organise, Hydra operatives to process and an entire building to catalogue. He cricked his back into place and hurried out to the main hanger, seeing that all the fighting had ceased and finally let out a long deep sigh.

Steve just really wanted to go back home and sleep, preferably wrapped up around Bucky. He wasn’t about to hold his breath though.

  
  


The quinjet ride home was quiet for an array of reasons, but the burning hostility and anger surrounding Bucky was probably the main reason everyone steered clear. Steve was trying to make sense of it. Surely the mood couldn’t be caused by what he’d revealed before they jumped. They’d conversed relatively friendly-like over comms earlier - so what was it? What had got Bucky so angry he was visibly vibrating in his seat, furious.

“I’m just going to ask -”

“- no! No you’re not man.” Sam hissed and gripped his bicep tight.

“But -”

“- give the man his space.”

Steve relented, only because he didn’t want to create a scene in front of everyone, but he also couldn’t stop his glances towards Bucky, which were more frequent than polite. He heard Sam huff a few times, but at least he didn’t tell him he couldn’t look. No one went near the Winter Soldier, he was left to his own devices, but the set of his shoulders indicated he was not in a friendly disposition and Steve was worried it was all because of him that Bucky was so angry.

Looked like time and fighting  _ didn’t _ heal hours old wounds.

Bucky was the first off the quinjet and Steve, ensuring everyone else was okay and taken care of, left last with Fury and Coulson.

As the two men spoke in low tones about the intel they’d gathered while walking out the hanger door, Steve looked around with hope in his heart, which dispersed two seconds later when he realised Bucky hadn’t waited for him. He’d effectively disappeared like the operative he was.

Of course he wouldn’t have waited for Steve - he was clearly furious. Steve would be lucky to see him in ten weeks time. He hoped that wasn’t the case.

Walking towards the main exit, he found himself forcibly pulled through the emergency exit then flung onto the stair railing. He stiffened up ready to fight but when he spun, there wasn’t a hostile before him. Well, not really. 

“Buck?” Steve gasped, hearing his voice echo down the stairwell, heart beating directly in his throat.

He felt relief flow through his body, Bucky was there before him - but he was different. He looked harder, meaner and there was no smile playing around his eyes as they looked over Steve like a snake waiting to strike.

Steve gulped.

Suddenly Bucky grabbed the remnants of his tattered uniform and yanked him forward, slamming their lips together. Surprise flew through him before his body responded to the familiarity of the mouth hungrily chewing at his own. He’d never seen Bucky like this before. The kiss was punishing, raw and Bucky was taking, completely taking what he wanted.

Steve should have been concerned - not getting so damn aroused.

When Bucky bit hard into his bottom lip, the helpless whine which left Steve's throat wasn’t supposed to see the light of day, but he let it go. Let Bucky control whatever this was. Steve would have allowed him anything in that moment.

Bucky’s lips were dry and pushed hard enough into Steve’s that he knew it would bruise, but he loved it - it felt like Bucky was staking a claim, and he  _ could _ \- jesus he could stake any claim he wanted. 

Steve went boneless after a second, whimpers flowing out of his abused mouth, and that’s when Bucky finally pulled back. Metal fingers pinching his hip cruelly.  _ Shit. _ He was so onboard for all of this - it wasn’t funny.

“Turn around.” Bucky barked and Steve didn’t think twice, nor worry that he usually gave the orders. He was at Bucky’s beck and call and was relishing in their role reversal.

Bucky pressed tightly up against his back, weight pushing Steve into the sharp coolness of the railing, before Bucky’s flesh hand forced itself into the front of Steve’s pants. He was already too hard, too sensitive and the first hard dry tug made him shudder and lean back against Bucky’s warmth. Who thankfully allowed the small kindness.

"Christ, you feel so good wrapped around me. Missed this." Steve hissed out through his teeth, not meaning the truth to sound so pleading. But Bucky didn’t respond and seconds later Steve arched forward as lips and teeth left their mark on the side of Steve’s spine.  _ Oh fuck. Yes - mark me, mark me up. _

"Oh shit…" he mumbled instead of begging.

The hand disappeared for a moment before coming back wetter, and Steve shivered and whined as it gripped him insanely tight. Nothing had felt so good. Ever. Nothing ever would. Bucky wrapped around him, taking his pleasure, taking  _ Steve’s _ pleasure, forcing it - was something incomparable.

"Was gonna jerk you with my metal hand," Bucky hissed directly into Steve’s ear and he bowed his spine letting out something incoherent, just the thought of the cool metal touching him made a high pitched keen escape his chest.

Bucky leaned closer, biting then licking the shell of Steve’s ear, making him see damn star spangled bursts of light behind his closed eyelids, all whilst a hand twisted and pulled at a relentlessly fast pace over his weeping tender cock, "there's nothing quite like it, Stevie, all that potential for destruction wrapped around the most precious of flesh."

_ Stevie - _ he’d called him Stevie, his brain whited out at that in conjunction with the harsh words. His head fell back onto Bucky’s strong shoulder and he whimpered when Bucky’s mouth attacked his neck. He couldn’t last, he wouldn’t, he craved this desperately, wanted this forever.

A few tugs later, Steve's entire body went taut, tingling starting in his core before he shuddered relentlessly and came all over Bucky’s warm palm, whimpering his name over and over as if saying it would make the man behind him understand just exactly how he felt.

“Christ, you’re perfect, so good for me...” He continued as his cock kept jerking, spent, sated - limbs going languid.

Before Steve could turn and grab Bucky, reciprocate if that’s what he needed or just talk to him, explain everything - he was gone.

Steve for all of his supersoldier traits hadn’t even managed to reach out a hand to stop him before there was nothing but air.

“Bucky…” he called out, hearing the crack in his words, the longing, the utter confusion.

Steve spent a long while tucking himself back into his pants, coming down from the violent perfection of the moment they’d just shared. He had to make this right, had to explain.

So how on earth did he do that? Had he lost his chance?

“I told you not to fuck this up.” Natasha stated as she opened the door to her apartment, walking away immediately so Steve had to follow her in like a lost puppy, closing the door with a snick behind him.

“Yeah, well - you know me.” He replied and accepted the glass she handed him, he sniffed it - vodka mix or maybe Kvass, he wasn’t certain.

Knocking her glass back, Nat indicated he do the same. He coughed for a solid minute after. Homemade moonshine then - it wasn’t Kvass  _ or _ Vodka.  _ Jesus _ . He wiped the tears from his eyes and held out the glass for a refill - he wasn’t an idiot and realised Natasha had a point to make, and if his liver was the casualty, then so be it.

Five glasses later and wondering if she’d spiked it with some Asgardian spirits, Steve was slumped depressively over her couch, lamenting everything he’d done wrong.

Natasha nodded the whole time, nothing surprising her, and he was certain she’d known exactly what had happened from their first meeting until that moment.

“How do you do that?” he asked, holding up his glass for yet another refill, Natasha topping him up with a look, it was growing on him.

“What?” She asked, brow raised, a slight smirk on her face. She knew exactly what he was asking and he raised his own brow in return. “ _ Oh _ , how do I know everything?”

He nodded.

Natasha shrugged noncommittal. He loved her, yet also found her extremely annoying and although he didn’t have a little sister, he figured if he did, she’d be like Natasha.

“If you knew it all, why let me go on and on about it?”

“Because it’s fun watching you realise what an idiot you’ve been.” Was the retort, accompanied with a wide smile. He really hated her,  _ no _ , loved her, in equal measure.

“So what do I do then, oh wise one?”

“Well, first up stop being a smart ass, secondly - tell him the truth.”

“The truth?”

“Crazy concept right? Just go to the cabin, tell him, then I never want to hear your whining about this again. Capiche?”

Steve was dumbfounded for a second, he should have realised Bucky would have gone to the cabin, was an idiot not to think it. But telling Bucky the truth… could that actually work? Obviously not telling the truth hadn’t so far.

“Now do you want a real drink?” Nat asked, eyes sparkling and Steve baulked - what had they been drinking if not real? He did the only thing open to him, smiled, nodded and held out his glass again, ignoring the slight tremor in his hand. He had plans to make.

  
  
  


The quinjet silently dropped him off and Steve made his way towards the warm and inviting cabin. He could see as he slowly made his way up the dirt road that the fire was going, a few lights were on and then he made out a figure on the porch. He stopped for a moment, soaking up the picture of Bucky, holding a glass, looking out over the darkness of the forest.

Hearing a large sigh from Bucky he realised he couldn’t wait any longer and stepped forward. The branch snapping under his foot was not exactly how he wanted to announce himself.

"Natasha… I said I needed time."

"Not Natasha, I'm afraid." He hesitantly replied, waiting to be ordered off the property.

Instead Bucky said nothing, just continued to look out over the trees, he showed no reaction and Steve began to get a little worried. Bucky took another large sip of his drink, still silent - so Steve sat next to him, like he’d done a hundred times before. Though the chair never used to creak as much.  _ Shit. _

“Although you  _ could _ blame her for my arrival.” Steve eventually sighed when it was clear Bucky wasn’t going to speak.

Running a tired and nervous hand over his face, Steve noticed that his thigh was pressed against Bucky’s and the moment Bucky noticed, he jerked away - not a great start. Steve’s heart thumped in his chest, drumming fast, concerned he’d damaged them beyond all repair.

“Yeah okay, I get it - you’re pissed.” Steve eventually blurted, probably a little sharper than intended. He was tired.

“Ya think?” Bucky snarled back, but Steve was just ecstatic to hear words and felt his shoulders loosen. At least Bucky was now acknowledging his presence. Even if it was in ire. He also finally looked over at Steve, and even though it was hard to make out features in the light, Steve’s chest loosened even further. He could do this. The truth. That’s all he needed to say. 

“Okay.” He paused for a second, “my name is Steven Grant Rogers, I was born in 1918, and as much as I sometimes wish I could - I can’t change the fact I’m also Captain America. I’m… I’m sorry. You have no idea  _ how _ sorry.”

Bucky blinked back at him, eyes narrowing. “Jesus, stop being a fucking martyr for one moment.”

Steve startled at the harsh words, but before he could respond or even gather his thoughts together for a response, Bucky had pushed the glass into his hands. Steve could only look down at the dark liquid, smelling whiskey (thank god it wasn’t moonshine, he couldn’t do another round of that) taking a sip, he winced - it wasn’t great.

“Christ, is that what you think? I'm not upset that you're Captain… look, I just need you to explain why the fuck you’d tell me like that?” Bucky’s voice was tight and he snatched the whiskey back and downed the rest. Okay then.

“Well,” Steve started, feeling a little exposed. “I figured it was best.”

“Best for who? You?”

“Both of us?” Steve sighed, knowing how stupid it sounded and realised he should have made flash cards to help him. Though Natasha said no to that idea,  _ emphatically _ , and told him it should come from his heart - unrehearsed. But he was worried he’d forget to say something, or end up saying something stupid like, ‘it was for the best’. Whoops - he’d already said that.

“Maybe I got that wrong, scratch that, I  _ did _ get it wrong. In hindsight it was stupidly selfish, but we didn’t know how the operation would pan out, it could potentially have been my only opportunity to come clean to you.”

“You had  _ plenty _ of opportunities pal.” The words snapped across the space between them, and...  _ Oh -  _ he was so very right.

“You’re right, of course you are.” Running a hand over his face, he continued, words falling out of his brain, “I wanted to tell you, a million times it was on the tip of my tongue. Fury, well, SHIELD had my identity on lock-down, it was too dangerous they said, would compromise anyone who knew. It wasn’t about trust, I need you to know that.”

Steve paused for a second, blurting out the rest in a hurry. “I just thought by the time we finished kicking Hydra’s ass, you'd be too tired to still be angry at me.” 

The look of utter disbelief on Bucky’s face at his words punched him low in the gut. It wasn’t working. His ridiculous speech which even he could admit was ridiculous, wasn’t getting across everything he wanted to say.

“Well, you're wrong on that account, I'm still fucking furious.”

“I can see that.” Steve said and threw his hand out to encapsulate something -  _ anything _ to show he understood, but he was also completely lost, devastated that he was screwing this up so royally.

“Hot tip, in future don’t damn well tell the person you’re fucking your secret identity two seconds before jumping out of a plane into hostile territory, then go and practically throw yourself on a bomb. I’m starting to wonder if you really  _ are _ the greatest tactician of all time because - Steven Grant Rogers, AKA Captain America,  _ you _ are a fucking idiot.”

Two seconds is all it took for the sharp bark of laughter to erupt from Steve’s throat unbidden, he wasn’t expecting that response at all. But instead of Bucky storming off, he began to laugh too, strained, but laughing and Steve relaxed a little. Maybe he still had a chance, an opportunity to make this right.

“Jeez, I’ve missed you.”

And crap, Steve didn’t intend to let that slip out, especially at the haunted look Bucky gave him.

“I...  _ shit, _ I get it if you’re not.” Steve stopped, took a deep breath and tried again, “I would, get it - you know. If you didn’t like me like this.” He couldn’t help but wave a hand over his body self-deprecatingly.

“Like what?” Bucky’s voice strangled.

“Big.” He replied simply.

Bucky laughed, the edge of something almost disbelieving in it and Steve felt himself blush. He didn’t think Bucky intended it to be rude, and Steve probably deserved everything he dished out anyway. Sighing, he decided to take it all on the chin. Happy to even be sitting next to Bucky.

“You’re absolutely clueless aren’t you?”

Raising an eyebrow, Steve looked at Bucky, eyes trying to see all his features in the dim lighting.

“I mean, for someone so smart, you really just… don’t get it...” Bucky trailed off, sounding tired.

“I guess I don’t.” Steve turned and whispered into the night, hope diminishing.

“For the record, I’m glad you’re here.”

Steve snapped his gaze back to Bucky’s face, not able to hide the small smile which burst onto his face. Bucky was glad he was there. It was something - not an answer, not even all that groundbreaking. But it  _ was _ something.

“Come on in, I’ll make us some dinner,” Bucky stood up and spoke over his shoulder and Steve couldn’t help but soak up every motion, every movement. God he loved him. “I actually brought supplies this time - hope you like steak.”

Steve stood up and followed him inside, sincerity pouring from his entire body. “I’m happy with whatever you’re willing to give me Buck.”

Bucky nodded almost indecipherably, but it was still a nod and he relaxed further. Friends, they could be friends, no matter how much more he craved. But the thought of being friends didn’t stop his eyes hungrily following Bucky around in the light of the cabin, watching his every move - desiring him yet also giving him space. It was one of the hardest things Steve had to do, but he would. For Bucky.

  
  


Steve had not expected Bucky to make the first move the evening before, nor allow Steve to control the pace, take the lead and give Bucky the pleasure he craved. It was the sweetest most beautiful evening and watching Bucky sleep bonelessly afterwards, began to mend the broken strings of Steve’s heart. He honestly thought he’d screwed up beyond repair.

Sliding out from behind Bucky after holding him close all night was hard, but he knew coffee would be required - so he got up to organise the beverages, knowing he was going to have to explain the whole story to Bucky. Was looking forward to having the truth completely laid bare.

“I missed your coffee the most.” Bucky called out, eyes still shut and Steve looked over at him languishing in the sun like a cat.

He huffed fondly, “that’s what you missed the most?”

“And your smart mouth - no, actually I take that back, most of that was you being stubborn as all hell.”

Steve scoffed again and tried hard to ignore the eyes on him as he worked in the kitchen, before walking over with two full mugs. Holding one out, Bucky grabbed it but also reached out with his metal hand to grasp Steve’s cock, giving it a gentle squeeze and Steve just about died. 

“I’m glad not everything changed.”

Knowing his face was flaming and that his dick was now much more interested in the proceedings, Steve managed to murmur, “drink your coffee unless you want me to spread you out and love on you all morning.”

Bucky blinked guilelessly, it was freaking adorable, “is that an option?”

Steve couldn’t help chuckle, sitting up against the headboard and they both sipped at their drinks. 

“Actually I take that back, coffee first.”

“Really?” Steve teased. “Coffee over cock. The romance is dead.”

Bucky smiled and they sat back to enjoy the moment, Steve throwing a leg up and over Bucky’s, needing the contact, the touch. Ensuring it was all real.

“Fury is pissed you blew the lab up.” Steve mentioned after a while.

“What? Natasha told me to,” Bucky’s voice not masking his surprise.

Steve hummed into his mug, clearly Bucky still didn’t realise Natasha danced to the beat of her own drum, or strode by it at the least. “Yes she did, I'm going to assume she didn't think that Pierce’s raygun research should end up in  _ any _ agencies hands.”

Bucky snorted, then went quiet for a bit. Steve relishing in their closeness, gearing up to speak about what had happened between them, but not sure how to bring it up - especially since they were so relaxed with the other. He didn’t want to rock their tentative truce.

“Why didn’t you really tell me who you were sooner?” Bucky blurted and Steve was relieved - he had his opening now.

“It’s classified…” He began teasingly.

“Are you fucking -” 

“- I’m kidding. Christ, don’t hit me. I’m joking.  _ Jesus _ that arm packs a punch.”

“Too soon,” Bucky said with a glare.

“Yeah, sorry - saw an opportunity and took it.”

“No it was funny, but, know your audience.” Steve glanced at him, seeing by the small smile that he was fine with the teasing.

“Okay, honestly,” Steve put down his empty mug, shifting so he could give Bucky his full attention. “So I’ve liked you,  _ wanted _ you for almost a year now, the first day I met the Winter Soldier was the first day I started to desire  _ more. _ Wanted to have a connection with someone, well him… you - a proper connection.”

He heard the sharp inhale from Bucky, but kept going, not wanting to stop so soon into his tale.

“I’d planned to ask you out properly, every time we worked together actually, but you were, too... I don’t know - unattainable. I steeled my nerves each time to only chicken out at the last minute, too nervous you’d say no.”

The scoff from Bucky stopping him, “Coming from Captain America, that’s rich.”

Steve grinned and punched his arm, “anyway, SHIELD fell and I was hit with the raygun. I didn’t know what had happened at first. I mean the effects weren’t immediate, it took about an hour, and I kept fighting as best I could, but I was small and practically the same as I was before the serum. It was completely disconcerting, I was back in a familiar foreign skin. I still didn’t stand a chance against the might of Hydra though. Luckily Nat had gotten me out and that’s when I woke up in the bed of a mesmerizingly beautiful stranger.”

He noticed Bucky shrug off the compliment and vowed he would hold him down later to ensure he knew how beautiful Steve really thought he was. 

“But, you figured out I was the Winter Soldier though? Fairly quickly.”

“Not straight away. I mean, once I knew you were a field agent, I wondered if we’d met before on an operation as there was a familiarity about you. Once or twice I  _ thought _ I felt your solid arm, but couldn't get close enough to check properly, so it wasn’t until after we’d been to the warehouse where Brock and Pierce were that I knew for certain. You, err, you flipped your hair, then put it up. In the exact same way as I'd seen the Winter Soldier do on the quinjet. I immediately knew.”

“Are you fucking with me?”

“What?” Steve asked, worried at the tone Bucky threw at him. Had he said something wrong?

“My secret identity, one I can proudly say in three years had never been compromised, Natasha aside, was discovered because I  _ flicked _ my damn hair?”

Steve knew his eyes were wide, Bucky seemed really annoyed at this piece of information. How was  _ that _ the part of his story which made him angry? “Errr, yeah… I’m not sure if you’re actually angry or not right now. I can stop telling the story if you’d like?”

Bucky waved his hand and Steve took it to mean he was to continue. Slightly concerned at the reaction, he kept going.

“Sure... so I was in a house with the most breathtaking man I’d ever met, trying really hard not to show how damn attracted I was to you, because there was no way you'd reciprocate, find the smaller, weaker version of me appealing. But fuck Bucky, the way you looked at me, the way your eyes just devoured me. It was heaven, I felt  _ seen _ , I was me, Steve, my real self and you made me feel like the most desirable person on the planet. Then I got selfish.” 

“Selfish?” Bucky repeated, and this was where things were going to get tricky. Either Bucky would understand or he wouldn’t, but Steve refused to keep hiding the truth. His truth.

“I…” He trailed off, and looked into Bucky’s eyes, really looked - pleading for understanding. “I didn’t want to tell you, because you liked me… as Steve, I wasn’t The Cap, I wasn’t a hero, I was just a man, someone desirable and you wanted  _ me _ . Just me. But then I realised as we got deeper into this, it wasn’t fair to keep it from you, you deserved to make your own choice about who you were with. But I had to call Fury first, tell him I was letting the Winter Soldier into the inner sanctum, as a full member of the Avengers. So then I could tell you everything, and pray you still wanted me when you found out who I really was.”

Bucky didn’t say anything straight away, he was quiet and Steve wanted to press for a response, something which meant he hadn’t once again messed them up, pushed them back to the starting line.

“So, what you're trying to say is..." Bucky paused, eyes darting over Steve’s face. There was no way he couldn’t spy the nerves just hidden away. "You've spoken to Fury, and I’m a full Avenger now?”

“That’s what you took from my heartfelt monologue?” Steve asked incredulously.

“Absolutely. What’s the dental like?”

“Really?” 

“Priorities, Steve - I have a sore tooth.” 

Steve was ready to throw his hands in the air with frustration until Bucky’s eyes softened and he realised he was being played. Fondness for the big dork rose in his chest. Things so far were going okay.

“I thought it strange you weren’t fazed by my metal arm, you didn’t even flinch or ask about it.”

“Yeah, not at all, I think it’s hot actually, I have a thing about you being able to overpower me...” Steve’s eyes raked over Bucky, and he felt the tension ratchet up a notch in the room. “But, as you know, intimately - I never got a chance to tell you I was Cap, not here, not how I wanted. And as the serum ripped through me, fighting off the rayguns properties - which honestly I hoped for, but in the same breath didn’t, I went back to this. Back to Captain America and it completely derailed me.”

Bucky paused for a moment, “why?”

Taking in one last deep breath, he spoke from the heart, eyes begging for understanding. “Because you liked small Steve, you liked who I was on the inside, not this big, muscled up version, So, maybe I told you on the quinjet at the most ridiculous time, because we were about to join the fight, therefore giving you no time to reject me.”

Bucky stared for a long time, an almost uncomfortably long time, Steve began to fidget. “Oh Steve, you’re absolutely clueless.”

“Hey!”

“I’ve had a damn crush on Captain America from the moment we first met, you basically wiped out all other attractions. I didn’t want anyone else, but I also had no clue how to tell you, how to show you, so I thought it was a pipe dream, a fantasy. Then I met Grant, and fuck did I want him, I was so happy to finally be attracted to someone other than The Cap. But in the end - I was just drawn to  _ you, _ no matter  _ what _ you looked like.”

Steve’s heart swelled, then turned into a fluttering mess of paper hearts and birds and everything else equally as stupid, because Bucky had wanted  _ him _ . He wanted Steven Grant Rogers  _ and _ The Cap - all of him. He launched himself at Bucky, couldn’t stop himself, grappling him to the bed, kissing him within an inch of his life, lips moving wet and deep, tongue plundering Bucky’s mouth - taking it all. He was goddamn ecstatic. Why hadn't he told the truth ages ago? Pulling back to pant heavily after licking into Bucky’s mouth until his pupils were blown wide, he pressed his lips back once more, hovering.

“Fuck I love you,” Steve breathed into his mouth.

Bucky’s eyes cleared immediately, widening in surprise and,  _ shit _ , Steve had not meant to say that out loud. But, he didn’t care - it was true and he wanted the world to know he loved James Barnes.

“Yeah well, you may have gotten under my skin just as much, Stevie. I think you may be it for me.”

He beamed down at Bucky, heart bursting, and they lay like that for an age, smiling at each other until Steve couldn’t take it anymore and took Bucky apart with his mouth and hands for the next two hours. Everything was going to be okay.

All good things had to come to an end and unfortunately their second time at the cabin was no different. Pierce had been found and they had to go. But not before Steve had pushed Bucky over the kitchen table and fucked him with his tongue for an hour before slamming his cock into his tight wanting hole again and again. Steve was never going to tire of making Bucky beg.

But the entire ambush was an absolute bust, Pierce was alone at the golf course and even though the Avengers assembled, there was no need. It put everyone on edge. They were all itching for a fight.

Which made combat training over the next few days back at the Tower with the team interesting - they were all highly ramped up.

No one as much as Bucky though, who was much more possessive of Steve since Pierce had been brought in. Steve didn’t understand it, even  _ if _ the older man seemed more interested in Steve than he should. He just wanted Steve’s blood, as creepy as that sounded. Bucky had no reason to feel on edge.

It was only Steve and Bucky left, sparring late into the evening and Bucky was getting the best of Steve, not in strength but in sneaky tactics until both of them were so keyed up it was palpable.

After one hit that Steve pulled, annoying Bucky to no end, it all blew up.

“For fuck’s sake, Rogers. Hit like you mean it.”

“Buck - I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Well what the hell are we doing this for?” He slammed out of the room towards the showers, leaving a sweaty and bewildered Steve staring after him.  _ What was that about? _

Steve packed up the room, switching the overhead lights off and locking up behind him, before heading to the showers. Hopefully Bucky had calmed down and would be waiting back at Steve’s so they could order food. He was in the mood for Thai.

He wasn’t expecting to enter the showers and have the entire space full of steam, the heat oppressive in his lungs and visibility low.

Then hands were on him, ripping his workout gear off and for a split second Steve panicked, until he saw the flash of a metal hand. “Jesus, Buck - you scared the crap out of me.”

“Good,” was the terse reply.  _ Oh, it was like that then. _

Steve allowed Bucky to manhandle him into the hot needle-like spray of the shower, and groaned when soaped up hands began to wash him down, fingers soft and questing at odds with the sharp tugs and yanks Bucky was also giving to put him in position. Position for what?

“Hands on the wall, Cap.”  _ Shit.  _ Being called that shouldn’t make his cock spring up to attention - but it worked. “Did I stutter?”

Steve grinned towards the wall as Bucky’s naked leg pushed between his thighs so he was spread out, hands now up against the wall in front of him. Steve’s stomach twisted in anticipation - what was Bucky’s plan?

The snick of a lube bottle elicited a chuckle from his throat, “you planned this?”

“Always planning to fuck you, sweetheart.” Bucky rasped against his ear, Steve’s stomach dropping deliciously at the words he’d uttered to Buck on so many occasions.

Next second there was pressure rubbing slowly and softly against his rim and Steve gasped at the sensation.

“Fuck.. jesus - Buck…” he ground out as the slick metal finger tip pushed in an inch. They’d talked about this but never really tried… and god’s Steve was going to come in seconds - untouched.

“Relax, deep breath - I’m not gonna hurt you.” Bucky breathed as he lay a soft kiss to his shoulder, flesh hand running up and down his back gently. How could he explain it was pain, but not in the way Bucky was thinking. It was the sweetest pain, the pain of anticipation.

“S’good.” He managed to bite through his teeth as Bucky slipped the rest of his finger inside of him, making him brace for only a second before he relaxed around it. “ _ So _ fucking good.”

Bucky chuckled and kissed his skin again with a little bite. He shivered as Bucky began to pump in and out of him, the pace steady, the sensation unlike anything Steve had experienced before.

Suddenly there was a second digit nudging in next to the first, and Steve tensed up for a moment, loving the quiet shushing noises Bucky whispered into his skin, telling him he was okay, was going to be looked after. He felt treasured, safe.

Then he was full, so full, fingers scrabbling on the wet tiles before him as he tried to make room in his body for Bucky’s questing, his relentless teasing and prodding. Steve gritted his teeth, he wasn’t going to last long at all.

Bucky’s flesh hand snaked around his body, cupping his balls and Steve tightened up around Bucky’s fingers almost painfully - but a good pain.

“Fuck, Cap - you like this? Having the Winter Soldiers’ metal fingers deep in your greedy hole - letting him jerk you off until you come against the wall like the good little supersoldier?”

Steve threw his head back in a silent cry, water cascading down his front, hot and prickling as the words got to him in a physical way, gut clenching as Bucky continued to push the thick metal digits deep inside, looking for that elusive spot to make Steve’s knees weaken.

“Aw, don’t be quiet on my account.” Then Bucky’s fist was taut around his cock, a third finger pushing into him and he was so damn full, ready to burst. He bellowed his pleasure into the room as Bucky’s slightly larger than usual metal fingers made Steve a panting mess. Sweat beaded as the heat of the shower and the steam made everything hazy - floaty. And he wondered if this was how he made Bucky feel on the regular. If so, he understood why he craved it all the time.

He came with a shout as metal tickled against his prostate, cock jerking his pleasure all over the wall before him, Bucky kissed his shoulder in sloppy open mouthed motions, fingers massaging deep in him and Steve was a boneless mess - only being held up by Bucky and sheer will.

“Gorgeous, Steve - so fuckin’ perfect aren’t you?”

Steve was bundled up, cleaned and before he knew it, was on his lounge with the biggest array of Thai food in takeout packages laid before him. He’d spaced out for a bit, knowing how lucky he was to have his best guy look after him.

But Steve was no slouch and much later after dinner as they watched a documentary on Netflix, he reciprocated very eagerly until Bucky forgot his own name.

  
  


When Pierce insisted that Steve be part of the interrogation, it got weird. Pierce’s eyes never left him and Steve knew it was a jealousy thing. Not in a sexual, partnership way - but a control way. It soon did come out that Pierce wanted his power, his strength to command, and somehow figured that given time, Steve would come around to his way of thinking.

It took all his willpower to remain impassive and not yell back that he would never ever turn to Hydra and become their - what? Supreme leader? To turn his back against people that needed him, looked up to him? No siree, that was not how Captain America worked, it was not how  _ Steve Rogers  _ worked. So they managed to get some information about a few safe houses and smaller operations that Hydra had in the pipe-line, though Steve was still wary at the intel - why would Pierce give it up? 

But from the disclosed information, Fury created a new team to focus solely on taking Hydra apart - and Bucky was on it, Steve the lead operative and he had prime choice of the rest of his crew.

After the latest interrogation, Steve made his way back to the apartment he unofficially shared with Bucky. Tony had given them one each, but they seemed to gravitate towards each other and Steve was the luckiest guy in the world being able to curl into the warmth of Bucky, to be able to hold him. Be with him. It was domestic in the best way possible. Plus, Bucky wasn’t going to kick him out - his coffee making skills were unparalleled.

Steve explained to Bucky what had happened with Pierce and Bucky was quiet in his responses, it took too long for Steve to realise it was from jealousy and he wanted to wrap him up like the precious idiot he was. Couldn’t he tell Steve was his - forever?

So when Bucky began to talk about crushes, he tried to shrug it off at first.

“Steve, you have to know, I mean you’re not stupid, but everyone’s had a crush on you.”

“What?” Steve felt his cheeks heat up. He didn’t want to hear stuff like that about himself.

“Don’t sound so surprised, I mean everyone at some point had a hard-on for all of that red, white and blue. And  _ damn  _ those stealth suits, they make a grown man weep - and think wildly inappropriate thoughts.”

“You’re joking.”

“About the suit, no. I was just one of many who craved you from afar.” Bucky’s voice was softly strained.

“Buck…” he began.

“Pining after you, watching you - wanting you.” 

Steve watched closely as Bucky used the leg which was hooked over his, to widen his thighs so he could palm Steve’s now interested cock. Christ - he couldn’t get enough of Bucky. It should be frightening. It wasn’t. He loved that Bucky was more dominant in some situations, but also always knew who was  _ really _ in charge.

“Shit, I don’t care about anyone else, just you and who  _ you _ were crushing on.” Steve’s voice rose as Bucky squeezed his cock, hand slipping inside his sweats like it belonged there. He groaned and fell back against the couch as Bucky’s wrist began to twist and jerk him slowly - roughly.

“Oh, you weren’t my first or only crush.” Bucky continued coyly.

“What?” Steve mumbled, not sure how to take that, Bucky was only supposed to like him. The strokes became tighter as Steve’s underwear restricted movements. Maybe he should start forgoing wearing it.

“I mean, Natasha obviously,” Bucky said smugly and Steve felt the stirrings of discontent. Natasha was compelling, absolutely, and they looked good together, but - god, Bucky’s fingers teased down his length before tugging hard. Bucky was his, not hers.

“And Bruce, you know that whole silent nerdy scientist thing - it’s hot, and with those dark curls...”

He couldn’t help it and sat up, grabbing Bucky by the back of his neck, Bruce  _ definitely  _ was the silent brooding type that people found attractive. He held Bucky’s eyes with his, hoping his absolute devotion shone through, as well as the fact he’d fight anyone off for Bucky. But Bucky seemed nonchalant, fist pumping Steve’s dick faster and faster, before slowing right down - his stomach thummed in desire.

“Don’t even get me started on Tony…”

Steve finally grinned, “alright you cretin, now I know you’re screwing with me.”

“I would never,” Bucky smiled broadly, then jacked Steve to the edge of coming. It wasn’t taking long. He loved that Bucky was so unselfish in giving pleasure, in making Steve feel good - like it was what he was born to do.

“Yeah,” Steve gasped, “you would never consider Tony.”

“You’re right - I almost shuddered when saying his name. I should have gone with Thor.” Steve managed to look at Bucky, knowing he was half delirious from lust. “I mean he’s huge, blonde, mysterious… exactly my type apparently.”

Steve grabbed Bucky tight, pulling him forward kissing him deeply, possessively, filling Bucky’s smart mouth with his tongue. He was such a punk.

“But you know,” Bucky said as he pulled back, breath coming in faster, affected just as much as Steve, then continued to slide his fingers up and over the head of Steve’s cock, making him whimper. “It was a small blonde jerk who really captured my attention. Sorry Cap - but compared to my Stevie you just don’t measure up.”

Steve was scrambling at the throw away line, but then Bucky’s fist tightened to a degree that Steve almost flew up off the lounge and in seconds he was coming, harshly, stomach knotted up from the words, but also the release washing through him at the same time. He felt dizzy and off balance for a long moment.

“You alright?”

He looked up at Bucky who had a frown on his face and Steve wasn’t sure what to say, opening and closing his mouth a second. How did he put into words that he was still so goddamn sorry that he lied, that he wasn’t Grant, he was different - he’d mislead Bucky. 

Clearly Bucky understood where his mind went, as he grabbed Steve’s hand.

“Crap, Steve, I didn’t mean it like that. As if I don’t find you, now, attractive.  _ Jesus _ , you’d have to be living on a different continent and not speak English to know, and let’s be honest, even then, I’m sure they’d work it out.”

Taking in a large breath he allowed Bucky’s words to roll over him, He knew this, obviously Bucky liked him as Captain America. But he also liked him before - first.

“Yeah, I know you do, but what you felt for Grant was different, I mean, I know I’m him - but…  _ I _ was different then, I wasn’t this, this isn’t who you fell for -  _ fuck _ . I’m sorry.”

Next minute Steve was being pulled in close to Bucky’s face, a soft almost desperate kiss left on his lips. Bucky was pushing himself into it, clearly wanting Steve to notice something. He soon pulled back to rest his forehead on Steve’s and Steve stared back into the blue eyes he’d become desperate to wake up to every morning.

“How don’t you realise that he  _ is _ you, there is absolutely no difference except the pure physical size between you. Your heart is huge, your passion, your morals,  _ god,  _ your fight and spark for righting the injustices of the world. I fell in love with  _ Steven Grant Rogers _ and guess who you are bud?”

Choking, Steve could only stare back like a dope, heart filling up at the words.

“That’s,” he started, but had to shut his eyes a second as emotions threatened to spill over, “that’s the first time you’ve said it.”

“What?” Bucky was one again frowning back at him.

“That you love me.” Steve said simply, noticing the way Bucky stilled, thinking. He clearly had no idea that although he showed he was there for Steve every day in little ways - he’d not yet uttered the words. And Steve, had hoped,  _ desperately, _ that he would say them in return.

Bucky leaned back in, hands cupping Steve’s cheeks then pushed them together making Steve’s lips pucker up stupidly. God he could be annoying, especially while Steve was having a  _ moment. _

Then Bucky was kissing him again, sweetly, reverently until they were gasping for breath.

“I love you so much, endlessly, no one else - not even Thor. I didn’t spend the last year of my life pining after you just to fall in love and shrug it off as a faze. You’re stuck with me - I hope you know that?”

Steve’s entire body lit up from the inside, not only was he hearing it for the first time, but he could see the sincerity shining from Bucky’s eyes. And even though his pants were a mess with drying come and stickiness - the moment was absolutely joyful.

“Love you too - like you wouldn’t believe.”

“More than Pierce loves you?”

“No. Just no.” Steve got up abruptly, not at all angry but trying to make a point. He left Bucky on the lounge, but not for long.

“Come on - it’s a joke.”

“Too soon.” He called back at him, as he went into the bedroom to strip.

He came out a moment later, appreciating the hungry gaze as he stood naked before Bucky, “you coming? I feel like you need to be punished for insubordination.”

Tying Bucky up to the bedhead using the ridiculous ties Tony insisted he wore for press conferences was the best use of them ever.

  
  


When Pierce’s attack finally came, it took them by surprise though it shouldn’t have. Intel indicated something was coming, a plan unfolding in the background. But luckily, most of the Avengers were able to be called upon, and they wouldn’t have had such a great early response rate of saving civilians if it weren’t for Wanda and Pietro. Steve was proud of how far they’d both come from when they'd first joined.

The fight was long and brutal and Steve didn’t see much outside of his own little battle area, seemingly fighting an unending line of foes. They just kept coming, and Steve started to wonder if he was being targeted, but he didn’t have a chance to look outside his zone.

He wasn’t tiring, not yet, but he was concerned about the others, and he hadn’t sighted Bucky for hours.

Not knowing how much time passed he suddenly heard a familiar yell.

“Shield down.” Bucky screamed across the space.

Steve looked up, eyes searching until they hit Bucky and with no further thought, dropped to his knee and swung his shield onto his back as they’d practised in training and next minute the heaviness of a body launching off of his back vibrated through him. Then he was on his feet again, sparing the quickest glance above him to see a jet, one he’d not noticed. As he smashed through another line of hostiles, he felt love for Bucky well up - his guy, his absolute best guy always had his six. Always. 

Minutes later, Bucky was falling on a man beside Steve, and the jet crashed with a furl of smoke nearby. Then they were back to back fighting for all they were worth. It was right, it was what they did well, it was done together.

Hours later when the last hostile fell and everyone was regrouping, Bucky glanced over at Steve and then ripped his mask and goggles off as he strode purposely forward - slamming into Steve’s body, grasping the back of his neck pulling him into a desperate, needy and hot kiss.

As Steve deepened the kiss, he heard cheering and felt his face heat up as Bucky pulled away reluctantly, only to look over and find all of their teammates watching them, hollering words of encouragement and filth (thanks Clint). He didn’t give a shit.

“You okay with this?” Bucky whispered, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Absolutely. I want the whole world to know you’re mine.” Steve replied nipping at Bucky’s slightly chapped lips uncaring at how gross they were from the fight.

Bucky chuckled, “maybe we just start with these guys.”

“Whatever you want, I’m all in.”

Then Bucky was grabbing him possessively, tongue plunging into his mouth, filling it, uncaring of Natasha’s playful words of disgust - he’d make it up to her. She was after all a huge help when it came to finding, then keeping Bucky.

  
  


**Epilogue**

Steve honestly had not intended for it to happen. Bruce and Tony both looked just as shocked as Steve as he stood before them, clothes hanging off his frame in an unusually familiar way. Christ he really  _ was _ a lot smaller standing in the middle of the lab, holding up his jeans with a clenched fist as they’d ended up on the floor in a pile when he’d changed.

“What the hell, Tony?”

Tony gaped for a moment, words not escaping his mouth and it was the first time ever that Steve had seen him speechless.

“Honey I shrunk the Captain.” He finally called over to Bruce, who just shook his head in return.

“No, seriously - I took a sip of water and what? Is this normal - am I going to fluctuate between sizes now? Is this from Pierce’s gun?”

“Err…” Tony trailed off then pretended to take a bunch of vitals while yelling at JARVIS to do internal diagnostics.

“Tony!” Steve yelled, panic rising.

“Okay, alright,” He raised his hands in a placating way, it didn’t work, Steve was now getting furious,  _ huh,  _ seemed he felt anger more intensely smaller -  _ who’d have thunk _ .

“The  _ water _ you drank was a composition Bruce and I have been working on from Pierce’s scientists notes.”

Steve went white, “Am I going to…”

“No you aren’t going to end up like the soldiers at the warehouse, give us  _ some _ credit.”

“Credit - I’m fucking… Jesus, Tony - what the hell were you thinking?”

“Pulitzer prize?”

Steve threw his large shoe which smacked into Tony’s chest - making him grunt, Steve felt a little vindicated.

Another two hours of testing, and telling Steve to never pick up anything in a lab to drink again, which he thought was a little unfair, Bruce cleared him to go sleep it off and that he didn’t expect the effects to last long. Thankfully the liquid he’d ingested worked differently to the ray gun and that his body naturally transitioned without too much pain - just a slight twinge and discomfort as his bones knitted themselves into size. It sounded like it should have been agony, and maybe it would be if he didn’t have accelerated healing.

But once he was out of the lab, there was only one person he wanted to see. Needed to see like this. He finally had an opportunity to be with Bucky completely - as Steve, the one who Bucky fell in love with.

He knocked on the apartment door, knowing he could have just barged in, but he felt this deserved a little more flair. His body hummed in excitement. He had no idea how Bucky would take it.

When the door finally swung open to reveal a tousled Bucky wearing sweats low on his hips and a Soundgarden T-shirt tight across his chest, the look he gave Steve was the greatest present in the world.

Bucky’s eyes devoured him top to toe, and he once again felt seen, in a way that he never did as The Cap. He could tell Bucky was at a loss for words, that he was scrambling to make sense of what he was seeing. Steve was too, and he’d had a couple of extra hours to get used to being in his old skin again. But Bucky was taking too long to respond. He didn’t have time to mess around.

“So, are you going to fucking stand there staring, or are you letting me in?”

The fondness which flew over Bucky’s face made Steve’s heart thump louder. But still Bucky didn’t step aside or touch him, or do anything except look at him. Maybe he didn’t want Steve like this anymore. He huffed out an impatient breath, frustration building up.

“What the hell, Steve?” Bucky finally started, then fell silent again.“I… I really don’t understand?”

“Well…” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, knowing Bucky wasn’t going to like the next bit of his explanation. “So I was in the lab with Bruce and Tony after the op today, and let's just say they’ve been working on something, not for this particular use, but there was an accident - Tony, well actually it doesn’t matter. Let’s just say human trials were not supposed to be on the cards.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky demanded.  _ Yep _ , Steve knew he’d be pissed.

“Yeah, Natasha  _ may _ have found quite a few things from Pierce’s private computer - things that didn't make it to Fury. And Bruce and Tony have been looking at a few of his more scientific files as well.” 

“Don’t tell me they made a fucking raygun? Steve that thing hurt you, put you through hell with the cramps and pain and the unknown and-”

“-oh no they didn’t. Christ - this is something different, completely - but…” Steve threw his arms out, seeing how slight they were again, it was bizarre, “same result.”

“Jesus,” Bucky breathed.

Steve watched as Bucky’s body began to lean forward but caught himself and Steve couldn’t help the pang of self doubt which rose at the action. Bucky didn’t seem to want to touch him, especially when he reached out, only to drop his hand.  _ Crap. _

“Sorry, do you mind? Can I touch you?” Bucky asked quickly, clearly seeing Steve’s face and he let out a rush of air.  _ Thank Christ _ .

“If you don’t, pal - I’m going to be really freaking irritated.”

The chuckle Bucky let out made Steve grin, before he was pulled in and tucked into Bucky’s warm embrace. It was coming home. He’d missed it more than he’d realised, and although he adored being with Bucky now, there was something different, more intimate in this form. Bucky tilted Steve’s chin up to capture it in the sweetest kiss and Steve couldn’t help push forward, growling quietly in his need. But he had to get Bucky inside - he had plans.

“Can we maybe take this inside - not gonna lie - I’m feeling vulnerable out here.”

“You’re safe in the tower.” Bucky said fondly.

“Yeah I know, but if I see Tony again and hear something about a Polly Pocket house - I am going to kill him.”

Tangling their fingers together, Bucky pulled him into the lounge, and Steve looked around for what he required, smirking when he knew his plan was going to work.

“How long are you like this for?” Bucky asked.

“I don’t know. Bruce thinks maybe a few hours…” Steve allowed his gaze to drop on purpose, before capturing Bucky’s eyes confidently, seeing the way he responded immediately. “So if you want to... you know. We’d best get on with it.”

It was only when Bucky threw his head back and roared in laughter, Steve finally felt reassured. “Really? Your first thought when your body gets completely remade is to have sex with me?”

“Of course it is - Jesus, Buck. Best sex of my damn life.”

“Well then…” Bucky responded and caught his breath as Steve, because he was the sneakiest person on the planet slid his hand down the front of Bucky’s sweats to cup his extremely gorgeous cock. One he hadn’t seen or felt for weeks.

Steve adored touching Bucky, was never going to tire of it,  _ could _ never tire of it, he was the most considerate and giving lover he’d ever had but also allowed Steve control, full control. It was something which soothed the inner turmoil he’d woken up with, the need to be in charge. Yet, Bucky surprisingly had another effect on him and he could relent, feel safe to lose himself in the moment, give Bucky the reigns on the odd occasion. He trusted Bucky with his everything - and always would.

Dragging Bucky’s head down was a novel experience, one he enjoyed as he could see his blue eyes hooding in desire, for him. His open mouth met Bucky’s eagerly and before he knew it he’d lost himself in the feel of reaching up, stretching his muscles in a way he didn’t have to when he leant down to capture Bucky’s lips normally.

Trailing his lips to bite and nip at Bucky’s jaw, the breathless words whispered into the lounge had Steve preening in joy.

“God I missed this, didn’t realise how much…” Bucky went quiet as Steve sucked a sharp bruise just under his ear, making his entire body tense up.

“Yeah, same here sweetheart - I loved how I felt when with you back then, not that I don’t feel that normally but…” Steve stopped short because he  _ had _ to take Bucky’s shirt off - needed the warmth of his chest against his cheek, his lips. God he loved Bucky’s entire body from this angle. He grasped the hem and found he had to go on tiptoes to make it up over Bucky’s head. Bucky in turn watched him with heat in his eyes, the same as usual.

“...but it’s just different.” Bucky finished his sentence for him as Steve gazed lovingly at the bare skin before him.

“You look so good, Buck, still the same but the perception is so unreal from here. God I love you.” 

Pinching his nipple, he felt Bucky’s knees buckle slightly and Steve knew immediately that Bucky was going to take anything he gave him, no matter how obscene.  _ Perfect. _

Steve chuckled as his lips finally met the golden skin, and he teased and flicked his tongue over every inch he could all whilst clamping his fist around Bucky’s fabric covered dick, making him gasp and fall forward into Steve’s space. Without waiting a second more, Steve pulled Bucky’s sweats down loving the confused growl he gave.

He wanted to savour this, get Bucky ready on his tongue and fingers before sinking deep into him, but when he walked around behind him, he just about perished. Steve Rogers was going to die, all because Bucky’s hole was stretched taut over a toy, a large toy. Taking in a shuddering breath to control his heart rate, Steve felt gratitude flow over him that Bucky was his, this beautiful perfect man was all his.

“Oh, sweetheart, you  _ were _ waiting for me. What a treat. This plug fill you up baby?” He asked, reaching out and lightly running the pads of his fingers over the metal, prodding around it with the smallest pushes, hearing the pull of whimpers deep from Bucky. Oh, yes - this was mesmerizing,

“Not… oh god…” Bucky then threw his head back as Steve couldn’t help but push his hardness up into Bucky’s ass, pressing forward, feeling the metal pinch against his cock, he thrust a few more times for good measure. “Not as good as you do.”

Steve hummed at the sensations, glad Bucky wasn’t forgoing his superior skills for a plug. 

“Well this changes things slightly,” he murmured and left Bucky alone for a minute, to drag the huge ottoman towards the large plate glass window of the lounge. The window which looked into the neighbouring office building.

“What are you doing?” Bucky rasped.

“I’m setting you up, going to show you off.” Steve replied cheekily, enjoying the full body blush Bucky gave without provocation. The slight trembling through him also intrigued Steve, did Bucky like the thought of being watched? To be honest Steve had never really given it much thought, but he  _ did _ like the idea of claiming Bucky, so everyone knew he was his and only his.

“You do know you can’t see in here from outside?”

“Of course, but isn’t it deliclous to think the people just over there  _ might _ be able to see you, spread out on the ottoman as I fuck you hard?” Steve gratified at the physical response from Bucky at his words. He was losing the ability to form words.

“Now be a good boy and get up on the ottoman… no, on your knees - facing the window.”

The extra flush his words elicited across Bucky’s skin, and his slow movements to get into position not stopping Steve impatiently grabbing at Bucky’s hair and tugging it back. Bucky immediately relaxed and Steve fucking loved pulling the dark tresses. It elicited the most gorgeous responses from Bucky, he was putty in Steve’s hands the second his fingers dug into it.

The sunlight caught across Bucky’s broad back, and Steve watched his own smaller body up behind him as the play of light flickered over his large hand yanking Bucky’s head back, before releasing him.

Bucky wriggled, the plug so invitingly tight and full in his best guy, he relished in the imagery of past Bucky pushing it into his body, keening at the widest spot, panting into the room, sweating in desire, doing it all for Steve and his imminent return. Did Bucky jerk off when it was seated as well? Or had he waited? The anticipation of Steve’s return keeping him on the knife’s edge.

He realised a moment later when Bucky looked over his shoulder in a daze at Steve that he’d not yet touched him, he was just soaking in the view laid out before him. Caught up in his own imagination.

Steve reached out, fingers once again trailing over the curve of the plug, lightly testing the stretch, making Bucky’s head swivel back towards the office building across from them. Even though his original plan had been foiled, he couldn’t stop moving backwards so he could lean down, flicking his tongue up against the cool metal. The sensation of warm skin and warm unyielding steel on his tastebuds a juxtaposition.

Steve felt Bucky jerk forward but he wasn’t having any of that, Bucky’s ass was his and he would use it in any way he thought suitable, and right in that moment he wanted to taste it. He dug his fingers into Bucky’s hips, hearing the strangled moan at each stroke of his tongue, lapping until he tried to push in beside the plug.

“Love your tongue so much Stevie. Fuck...”

Relenting a little, he moved down to lick around Bucky’s balls, sucking one in, loving the wrecked growl which bounced off the window, before he was up and tasting around the plug again. The whine which left Bucky’s chest made Steve chuckle, so he played further. Pushing the plug back into Bucky’s body until he gasped, pulling it out ever so slightly before pressing it in further again, effectively fucking him with it. He loved the control, he loved making Bucky a needy pile of come, sweat and tears before him. He also adored how Bucky’s eyes kept lifting to the people walking around in the office before them, face flushed. 

“Do you think those women over there would like this, watching me fuck into you with your own plug?”

Bucky whimpered at Steve’s words.  _ God _ \- he was so good.

“Would they watch as I licked all around, wetting you up, ready to slip my cock inside and take you, pound into you until you hit the glass, until you shatter and come around me begging for me to stop?”

“Fu… Fuck… I need… I want…” Bucky stumbled over his words and Steve smirked, he was exactly at the point he wanted him to be in. Pulling on the plug, he stretched out Bucky’s rim until the fattest point, then held it for a second, the muscles on Bucky’s back taut.

“I’ve got you sweetheart, I’ll take good care of you.”

Bucky nodded as Steve pulled the toy completely free, then shucked his pants in a hurry to push himself into Bucky’s gaping beautiful hole in one long stroke, grabbing his long hair again when he’d bottomed out.

“Do not,  _ ever _ cut your hair.” He rasped grinding his hips in a circle deeply, losing his mind on how warm Bucky was around him, how snug the fit was. Then Bucky shook his head, making Steve unintentionally pull his hair further, the little shit. “Masochist…”

Glancing back over his shoulder, Steve caught Bucky’s eye, knowing he loved to be stared down, he finally relented, dropping his gaze to look back out the window.

Steve pulled almost all the way out before pounding back into Bucky, rhythm fast, relentless, hips snapping. He was pushing deeper and deeper with each thrust, opening Bucky up further as the ottoman screeched across the floor.

“God, you feel perfect around me, so damn perfect - every time.” Steve couldn’t hold on, it had been weeks since he’d been buried deep within Bucky and he was over sensitised and so very much wanting to bottom out and fill Bucky up. When Bucky began to clench back on him, gripping his cock in a vice-like grip - he couldn’t go any further and came with one last thrust, twitching and growling loudly. Nothing would ever feel as good as Bucky.

He allowed himself a few seconds reprieve, but desperate to make Bucky feel just as good, Steve pulled out and spun him onto his back, made more difficult as his strength wasn’t what it usually was, but he managed to get a dazed Bucky into position, pushing him forward so his head hung upside down - seeing the office. 

Steve knew the rush of blood to his brain would make his orgasm more intense, which was brilliant as he planned to blow the shit out of his guy.

Gulping him down, Steve gripped Bucky’s cock tightly, sucking, nuzzling and licking all over before taking him as deep as he could. Which funnily enough was about the same as when he was large. Bucky thrust up and Steve strangled out a choke - god he was such a little punk.

So he grasped his hips until his thin fingers dug in almost painfully and held Bucky down so he couldn’t move. It was his undoing, it always was, Steve smirked around his cock, sucking deeply when Bucky unloaded into his mouth. Steve swallowing it all down. 

“You’re the best guy in the world, all mine, you did so good.” Steve whispered as he pulled Bucky up into a warm hug afterwards, skinny limbs engulfing him tightly.

“I love you,” Bucky whispered into his chest and Steve’s heart filled to the brim as he said it in kind, vowing he’d have this love forever.

Although Steve’s pre-serum body didn’t last the whole night, there was thankfully no pain at the transition and he was fairly certain he would never have to resort to taking it again. 

But he would never say never - he planned on many anniversary surprises after all.

  
  
  


A year later Steve sat on the balcony of their hotel suite situated on the coast of Bulgaria. He’d organised it as soon as they’d taken down the last faction of Pierce’s Hydra the week before and SHIELD had told them to take a well earned break.

Steve could only think of one thing - bringing Bucky back to one of the most picturesque coastlines in the world and propose.

He’d not managed to get the courage up for that yet though. He planned to do it on their morning hike up the cliff, if his nerves allowed him to.

“Have you ever wanted to fuck somebody up against the railing of a private room while watching the moon over the water?” Bucky’s voice floated from inside, soon appearing with two glasses of red wine.

Steve smiled, heartbeat notching up a little, “well, not until right now I hadn’t.”

Bucky made a motion to go back inside and disappeared a second later, Steve knowing he was going to his bag to get the lube, but when he didn’t reappear after a minute he frowned and made his way inside.

“Hey, the lube’s in the side pock…  _ oh, shit.”  _ Steve trailed off, as Bucky’s eyes snapped to his, hand holding a small velvet box, thankfully unopened. Steve rubbed the back of his neck, face flaming and he didn’t have words - this was not supposed to happen.

“Steve?” Bucky’s strangled yet hopeful voice questioned.

Walking over, Steve gently took the box from Bucky’s trembling fingers and he placed it back in the bag - tucking it under his shirts, and grasped Bucky’s hands in his. “How about we rewind two minutes to when you brought the wine out, and tomorrow you’ll be completely surprised by my heartfelt and not rehearsed proposal.”

Bucky’s face split into a smile, eyes conveying the rapture and love he felt and Steve knew everything would be fine - he wasn’t going to say no, he had no reason to be nervous.

“Now about that lube?”

Bucky laughed and pushed Steve onto the bed kissing him all over. Steve allowed it - for a little while.

When Bucky exhaled a shaky yes the next morning as the sun rose over the water in a breathtaking array of colours, Steve knew nothing could ever come between them and that he’d found his home, with Bucky. And if that wasn’t perfection then he didn’t know what was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two ridiculous boys deserve all the happy endings in the world!
> 
> Thanks again for stopping by <3
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on either of the below - if that's your thing - always happy to interact! :)
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